moving along

For me not living in the central area of the city is confusing.
Transportation takes so much longer and you can't even see the stars properly.

Luckily, this too is just a phase.
Then again, I don't have a direction.

Nghhhh, my head feels weird tonight.

Oh gosh what did I do

I don't remember last winter being this cold. Then again it might be that I just made my brain forget it because I live in the moment and stuff. It is absolutely gorgeous outside although I do not dare to stick my toes there in the fear that Mother Nature might frostbite them off. So I'll just wonder it through my window.

I woke up at eight this morning and I wasn't sure whether or not I should be happy about it. The unhappy side of it was that this is a Sunday. You're not supposed to wake up early on a Sunday. You're supposed to sleep late and enjoy the feeling of not having to wake up early on a Sunday. You know?
The happy side of it was that my dream was absolutely dreadful and I remember crying in my dream because nothing made sense. So it was good to wake up from that.

I still don't have an internship place. It's getting closer and closer but I already stressed from that and nothing good ever comes out of stressing over things that are out of your control.
I mean, obviously I'm looking for a place and sending applications, but it is not up to me how quickly people answer me.

Can you tell I'm restless? I'm writing restlessly. Like a flow of mind but instead it's not a flow, more like a waterfall and instead of water, it's mushed thoughts.
Oh gosh it's one of these hyper moments again. I feel like giggling at the thought except you probably can't hear it.
But you can imagine me typing furiously and giggling at the same time.

I'm so sorry if this entry doesn't make any sense.
No I'm not. Anyway, here are some random pictures !

 Mainly what I've been doing lately.

 Filters. Filters are fuuun. You don't have to know anything about photography, just snap something and add a filter. LOVE IT. Also the window was really frosty so that was like a filter in itself. A Filter inside a filter. FILTERCEPTION.

 A random gorgeous specimen of the homo sapiens Rosa randomly spammed to me. Needless to say drooool.

 This is what happens when I'm in a class and not paying paying SO much attention to what's going on. And more filters.

And le me.
FILTEEEEEEERRRSSSSS.

I think I'll go giggle by myself now.

Snowcapolypse is here !

I was supposed to do a rather big entry about things including... well, everything, but you know how sometimes you think you're going to do something and then you don't do it. It's a continuous thing, really.
Anyway, we are doing some sort of blogging experiences at school at the moment so I thought it's a GREAT time to once again note that I'm not that good at writing regularly. Oops.

So the big thing I was excited about last time? I got email from HOAS, a student apartment organization in Finland (Well, actually Helsinki area) that they have a spot for me in one of their apartments...
So I moved. Further away from the city. Bleh. But the area is nice... and something else is nice there too but I'm not going to talk about that right now >:33
My room is nice but really cold. I can't hang around in a tank top and shorts, no way. So sad.  I'll show you pictures later !

I've been crazy busy but thing should slow down after this week. Yay!

Fingers crossed for sure

excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited.

That's all for now.
Also, fingers crossed.

PRETTY PLEASE. *__*

cue melancholy instrumental music for a rainy day

Things I've done today that I shouldn't:
Stared at the laptop screen
Walked around my room just staring at the mess and not cleaning it up
Whined inside my head
Played Pokémon

Things I haven't done today that I should've:
Written a school thingie to determine what I'm going to do in the future
The dishes
Clean my room
The laundry

It's one of these days again.

You know the annoying type of a person who constantly complains about their lack of love life or interest? That's what I FEEL like doing right now.
I want cuddles. Preferably now.
I want eskimo kisses and stupid romantic stuff like leaving lovey-dovey notes in surprising places.
I want that god-awful-feeling of "does he like me? What's that look supposed to mean?" that everyone HATES when they're experiencing it.

But I don't want to be that type of a person. I don't want to complain.

No, wait, I already did. Woooops ! :3

When you're healthy, say thank you.

This text might be a little grotesque. Don't read if you don't want to.


There are only a few things I absolutely loathe in this world.

One is puking. I despise having anything come up that I've already once digested. It tastes gross, it feels gross, it smells awful and it's just plain wrong. Luckily I haven't had to stand that in a few years now.

Second is smoking. Everyone knows how I feel about smoking. I've never smoked and I don't plan to try. When I was younger, I was one of the less popular kids so I didn't have to try and get credit by ruining my lungs. Yay me.

Third one, and this is the one bugging me at this very moment, is gum infections. A really nasty one, too.
AARGHHH.

I might have to call a dentist. Ugh. Dentists.

Whenever you're healthy, stop and think about it for a while. Consider yourself a lottery winner of the universe. You are.

I'm great at organizing my time

It's exam week, which means that I'm not studying at all studying SUPER hard. Yeah. Totally.
Haha. I don't know, I haven't been able to stress myself too much over everything... which was nice, considering I surprised the heck out of myself and got a 5 from my first exam.

Just reminding that we use a scale from 1 to 5. So ... not bad. Yay!

Today I didn't have any exam but studying to do for tomorrow's and Friday's exams and also two reports and such that need finishing. Bleh. It will be alright as soon as I get myself to do them but I just strongly dislike written assignments. I write when I want to! (And if you've followed my blog for more than two months you know that's not too often. HEH.)

I had a moment of boredom earlier. Because 11:30am is universally too early to do school work, I thought I'd want to eat something... then this little annoying voice in my head reminded me of our sole vow to never eat when we are bored (I swear I'm not schizophrenic) so I thought I'd exercise instead.

My muscles are sooreee.
They're going to be sore tomorrow too. And it's going to be that almost pleasurable pain where you just WANT to stretch everything a little more to remind you that you've done this to yourself and this is awesome.
.. I swear I'm not masochistic, either. I just think post work-out pain is the best.

Yeah. Schoolwork. Right.

My necklace broke & Randomities.

My nails are bright red, I wamt to buy a new make-up pencil sharpener, I need to do a heck of a lot of school work and I haven't had a crush in one point seven years. And for some reason I always get the urge to write during nights when I'm supposed to - tattadadaa - sleep, so that's a whole other clash of interests right there.

My best buy perhaps ever has been my cute little Nintendo DS Lite and Pokèmon HeartGold I got for it. I'm shamelessly playing whenever possible, including breaks at school when I could be socializing (took me four times to spell that right) with my awesome classmates. They actually are awesome, don't get me wrong.

My hair grows too slow because my eating habits are worse than a raccoon's. Vitamins? What are those? My tummy grumbles with hunger every time I get out of school because GOSH DANGIT I can't survive eight hours with just one meal in between, no way sir.

I'm very good at breaking my own promises, which reminds me not to make promises at all anyway.

I'm hungry now but it's 10:30pm and I don't want to get out of bed cause I brushed my teeth already.

Besides my first world problems, I'm very much happy with life and I'm doing my best to enjoy it to its fullest.

I tried sketching

I wrote two paragraphs that included whining and then decided naw. I'm just going to leave these here.

So how are you guys doing?

Ow ow ow.

I have an awful headache but I FEEL like writing and write I shall.

I've been at my family's summer house - no electricity, gas refrigerator and a pathetic little puddle with murky water (and a sauna, obviously) that my mother claims is perfect for swimming: it even has little fishies ! Needless to say, me being far to used to living in the city didn't stick a toe in it once but I did manage to enjoy being in the middle of nowhere, minding my own business and being clueless about anything. (I played Pokémon. There.)

I stumbled upon a little intriguing thing called the Enneagram of Personality. I'm not going to spoil your joy of googling it for yourself and filling your head with a wikipedia article (go ahead, be my guest.) and I am going to acknowledge that I'm a sucker for any kind of self evaluation, analysing one's personality and going "hmm. That's kinda me!" with a giggly amusement. I don't do daily horoscopes but... you catch my drift.  Anyway, I thought it would be fun and important (ha ha ha) to tell you that I am a perfectly flegmatic type 9, 'a peacemaker'. Now you can find out all of my flaws without me telling you anything!

... Shut up, I'm tired and I don't know what I'm typing. Toodlepip.

Shut up, it's Summer.

So I decided that 10:30pm is a great time to start an inventory on my closet.
Big mistake.
It's now 12:25am and I've given up for the day. I have well over a half of my clothes still thrown on my chair (and partially on the floor. Guess who's going to have to do extra laundry tomorrow?) and I'm starting to grow a little worried.
How is it possible that I have so many clothes yet nothing to wear, ever? I've counted 14 skirts and 8 pairs of jeans so far. I'm not allowed to buy any clothes ever again, okay. Good. We know I'm going to break that promise but ANNYYWAAAY.
Hi !

So a quick catch-up:
1. I graduated. Thank you.
2. I got a new laptop as a graduation present. Yes, I'm very happy.
3. I also got to go to London. Yes, it was nice. No, I did not spot any of my English hotties (Ed Westwick, Ash Stymest, Jude Law, etc etc.)
4. I got into School to study travel management and leadership stuff. Thank you, I'm excited.

Oh and also,
5. I need a new apartment ASAP. :I

When I'm bored I outline my veins.

I've heard a saying that goes somewhat along these lines: to find yourself you have to first lose yourself. Well I'm currently losing myself..... in the awesome world of animated movies like Pinocchio and How To Train Your Dragon. 'scuse moi. 

That's nothing new though. I don't think I've had a phase in my life where I would have shunned away from Disney classics (and I went through the typical "I hate everything the masses like" - phase at 12, don't worry) and I have no shame declaring that I rummage through sales almost every week trying to find Disney DVDs for cheap. They're an INVESTMENT, shut up. 

But other than that I am going through a slight identity crisis at the moment. My social life is mostly shattered and I don't have anyone else to blame than myself, and I'm steadily getting to the point where I'm purchasing a white tank top and a black permanent marker and making a statement factual print shirt for myself. It's going to say "I'M BORING" and it's going to save me from ever having to explain myself ever ever again. 

It's kind of sad I guess but I haven't found it in me to frown about it yet. 

Now, the facts are that I really don't drink that much (I don't like the taste of alcohol), I don't smoke and I rarely party - mostly because I love sleeping and partly because I've become socially isolated and I'm not invited to that many parties. I strongly dislike horror movies and I'm shamelessly fond of shiny things - be they useless crap or girly accessories. I have a habit of being petty with details and I'm awfully picky about what I eat or don't eat.

My friends call me 'motherly'. People I've known for 20 minutes roll their eyes and go 'Ok, mom'. 

Gosh I really am boring. And today I couldn't even find anything to wear ! 

To enlighten my self conscious rant, here's a picture to enlighten the mood. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, erm... us.

I look rather dashing in my mustache. 

Spring is awesome with Clazziquai.

My allergies are kicking in and if nothing else is good about them, they are an absolute way of telling the Spring is - finally - here. I have to resist the constant urge to rub my eyes because they are itching. I don't like this part. Just if you didn't know.

The Spring generally causes a few things in me, both physically and mentally. 

First, well, obviously, there are my allergies. I already said that.

Second...ly, I start rummaging through my wardrobe and can't find anything nice to wear, or find everything too 'not me', 'fit for winter' and 'when did I ever get this? Ew'. 

Thirdly - and this is not even necessarily my fault - clothing stores suddenly get awesome. I need this, I want that, I don't need them but gosh I want those so bad. If I were anymore vain than I already am I'd probably cry myself to sleep thinking of this very specific coat I saw in Zara. (I told you I should not be allowed there ever.) 

And finally - as if I haven't complained or talked about this enough - I become increasingly aware of my relationship status. Bla bla bla, being single is awesome and fun and shit, but - let's face it - I sort of have a problem of only finding cool guys from abroad. I don't even know what it is. 

I pretty much freaked out in a happy state yesterday after spotting THREE good looking guys during the day. In Helsinki. During a four hour time period!

And I don't know if you could actually say that it's because I'm too picky, etc., 'I'm sure there are tons of good looking guys in Helsinki but you're such a no life you never see them, foo' - I tend to drool after people my friends look at and go '... are you serious? HIM?'. So. Yah. Ok maybe I'm a little bit picky.

So I'm doomed for life. YAY.

Hahahahaha ok, maybe not. I think I'm going to take a nap.

Oh... hi!

He he hee...... Heh.
Did anyone notice my blog's been dead for... idk, two months? No? Thought so! Then it's alright.

Yeah.. I don't have much to say about that. I can't say I've been too busy; I haven't.
I got done with my matriculation examinations, some of which went well and some... not so well, I have my very first JOB ( ! ) as an event assistant, and that's only about once a month for approx. ten hours at a time. Whee!

Right now I'm in the middle of my busiest two weeks in ... probably years, because I have something everyday - which never happens anyway.
I thought I would've 'officially' given SC a little hiatus so I could gather my thoughts and such but then I realized I just didn't write anything for two months, I'm sure anyone realizes I'm on a hiatus.

BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE! So rejoice. Applause. Thank you. Or not, that's fine too.

I'm in a really hyper state of mind, but I figured I'd share a few things with you.

1. I think I'm back. I'm trying to be.
2. No one should EVER let me near Zara. I almost got a seizure because I wanted everything.
3. Ed Westwick is still freaking gorgeous.
4. Reading other people's blogs always reminds me I want to write something in my own.
5. I'm extremely lazy. I'm not even going to put pictures in this one. Then again, what was the last time I did?

Anyway, I missed my stupid blog! I want to squeeze it and give it a bear hug. And force it to eat a few biscuits.
Feels good, man.

Such a funny way to fall

I am really really really effin tired. I'm supposed to clean my room because it's a car wreck a little messy, but I might have to take a nap first. I'm going to start reviving psychology for March's exam tomorrow. I should probably make a study schedule so I'll stay focused.

First things first! I've been..... not surprisingly quiet with this thing. The whole 'it's too puplic to write about private things but I love writing at random times ;_;' thing has been slightly an issue, but I've come to a perfect conclusion:
To motivate myself in studying I went and bought a moleskine that I'm going to fill with private details and little drawings about whatever I feel is too private to put here. Yay! Cheer for the genius that is me.

So now it's all froody.  I still have no idea what I'm going to do after high school though.

Oh, and I found the perfect jeans and they were 8 euros. Someone upstairs must love me.

I need to invest in cool comics.

Ohohohoo, would you look at that. Another quiet month in my blogging, which doesn't really surprise me. Things got in the way.

Anyway! First things first, I've developed a caffeine addiction - mostly because of this huge bunch of energy drinks I got as a gift (read from below).
'Tis rather unfortunate, but as the exams are getting closer and closer (first one is in a week. Yikes!) I don't have time to try to kick my addiction and get rid of it.
So I'll be sipping caffeinated drinks with caution for the next.... month. Or two. Oh joyness.

Then... Yeah, I don't really have much to say. I've poured my thoughts mainly in twitter, because it's easier. It's here.


Things I haven't been doing lately that I should be doing:
* studying for my exams
* studying for my exams
* learning something new

Things I have been doing that I should not be doing:
* everything else

I've also spent a bit too much money cashing sales and sitting in various coffee shops (usually with people, once alone) and thought about the world, myself, others. Food.
You know, the regular stuff.

I've come to the posession of a huge amount of energy drinks, as a gift. I'm very pleased, but also slightly worried that this might assist me becoming an addict. Already happened. I'm conducting a test of how long I can keep them alive.
Granted I have much help to destroy these vile drinks that steal my attention every time.

I haven't even had time to abuse my camera!

But yeah. I think I'll try to be a bit more efficient with my blog, because it kind of helps me get things off my mind. Which leaves space for... other things.

I've also been thinking (You notice how often I have to mention 'I think'? It's ridiculous. I need to cut it out.) I kind of want to do a post about how my looks have changed during the years... but there are a few issues to that.
First, I really don't have a generic style I'm following.
Second, I've never had a generic style of following.
Third, I'm missing half of the pictures.
Fourth, It'd be an embarrassing ride to see how much of a failure I was with basically everything.
Not saying I've gotten better, hehehe.

I got this baby from eBay. My first reaction to it was "ohmygodit'ssocuteihavetohaveit!!". My dad commented, saying that 'cute' wasn't exactly the word he'd use and that it reminded him of Davy Jones. Oh well, I love it.

Anyway, toodlepip.

Happy cookie

I've acted like a proper citizen today and supported the economy by blowing money on all sorts of important things like clothes and makeup. Actually I'm a sly fox and an excellent bargain hunter - if you don't mind me saying it so myself - thus not really blowing any money at all, and I didn't even buy anything I really don't need!
Sort of.
I guess I could have made it without this one, really cute and simple skirt I bought but hey, how lame would life be without skirts?

I guess I was also sending out some vibes or something, because almost every sales person I encountered was eager to give me assistance on multiple occasions and just generally making sure I was really fine and everything was okay. Either that or I looked suicidal and they were just checking. Haha, no.

Anyway, I'm not too used to that because c'mon, this is Finland. In Finland it's okay to greet by letting out some sort of a grunt and people have a silent agreement not to touch anyone. Ever.
And I mean, I don't actually like it. I like smiling, I like saying hello when someone says hello. I like friendly sales persons, but they just catch me off guard every time because this is FINLAND.

There are three kinds of sales persons: nice ones, very nice ones and then there are those who make you go "...nice" in a not nice way. Of course every one has their bad days, and the behavior of customers themselves isn't always proper in itself - you can't really expect someone to be over the top nice to you if you're swearing, calling them stupid or trying to scare them with your 'I've never been this angry' face.
Or something like that.

But I feel like there are some few people who just should not be in a workplace that requires them communicating with new people every day. I've met a few, who time after time seem to be fed up with life and everything in it, and their 'I loathe you' - attitude leaves me in a slight confusion as to what did I do to deserve such cold stares.
I usually try to lighten up the situation myself. I'm pretty sure it's hard to keep smiling if everyone else is busy trying to growl without a sound, but a smile usually deserves a smile back. It sometimes makes everything better!

Also, acting nice towards other people - including sales person, who, surprisingly enough, are REAL PEOPLE! gasp - often causes them to act nice toward you.
Which is, you know, nice.

Is the word nice starting to sound weird? Maybe I've used it a bit too much.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood.

Something we can't become

I'm unorganized and I tend to loath routines. That's why I write in uneven periods, every once in a while and that's why things seem to get behind my back and surprise me because I run out of time with everything.
True story.

Anyway, Christmas was awesome, New Year's Eve was awesome and the whole 2011 year thingie took off a great start......

And then I got sick. Ugh. I hate to be sick. I slept a whole three hours last night, every last muscle aching because of slight fever, my nose was either running or I couldn't breathe and I had a terrible headache.
Oh and everytime I sneeze it feels like someone throbs my throat with a sharp, poison dipped dagger multiple times in a row and leaves me gasping for air - which hurts even more.
Curse you, viruses and bacters. I'm sure you're having fun right now.

I don't have any fun pictures to show you right now but you should listen to this song. It's amazingggg.

Holidays are here

A list of things that have made me happy lately:

Baking ginger bread
cute guy with gorgeous blue eyes
A hug from behind I got yesterday
The sound of snow under my boots
Brian Molko's voice in Battle For The Sun
Pretty pictures of light, and cute things
my ear muffs

That's all.

Ahead of time

My room, as well as my life currently, is a mess. I didn't mean it to end that way but you know how sometimes you just feel a bit too lazy to pick everything up after you've put it down and then slowly chaos crawls into the nest and the next thing you notice is BOOM. It's a big mess.
And you can clean it up with time and effort but it takes so much effort and too much time and UGH, the worst part is ahead of you:
actually starting to clean things up.

I have anxiety and frustration that revolves around the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I've been trying to live one day at a time, and sure, you know, that's awesome - until you reach the day when everything seems wrong and useless and worthless and just plain awful, and you have no idea where you are headed in life, except the supposed direction is all covered up in mist and seems to lead down instead of up. And there you are, trying to tell yourself that it's okay, it's okay - tomorrow will be better.
Well, excuse me miss happy pants, but you've been living your life so in-the-moment that you haven't really paid any attention to your future. And now it's biting you in the ass.

Well, maybe not that dramatically.

But I have a natural tendency to worry about things before they happen so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, I'm fully capable of saying I jinxed it for myself. Then I naturally have the right to willow in self pity and fear of the world. Yay.

I promise I'm not this dramatic and whiny all the time. I've been fairly happy for a few weeks and now this hit me.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Or what to study after I get out of this school.
Or what to eat tomorrow.

I like this song, you should totally listen to it.