I'm automatic

I feel weird. Kind of out of place. Out of place is a good way to describe it.

You know the feeling of suddenly being reminded of someone who at one point of time was very dear to you, so dear that you never actually just realized HOW dear (because you never actually had an official thing), but who you really aren't in contact anymore and who
is not a part of your life anymore? Say you're walking to your room at 23:02, your mind does the shuffle thing of going through several things at once and BAM. All of a sudden you miss someone so much you could cry or yell.
Deal with that, then.

Lately I can't listen to music so loud. Partly because there are others living here too, and I don't want to be considered the rude neighbor, but also because every time I turn the volume up, it starts hurting my ears and I have to tone it down. I used to love blasting my music up the roof, so to speak.

The smoke coming from Russia is making the air a bit foggy but I'm not staring too much out of my windows right now so it's not an issue. I don't actually even know why I told you that. The picture isn't related to it tho, that's above clouds and fog.

Still, out of place. Maybe it's just one of those months.


... Yeah. hi.

Want to know a secret? The internet is too open for me to be private and honest.
It's true. I create all these different accounts to different medias to bare a piece of my soul to a stranger and then I realize I don't want strangers to know me. I also allure myself to believe I'm only doing so to express myself and to have a healthy outlet for the things I feel, but heeeck. I don't want you to know everything. If I'm only doing this for myself, anyway, am I not free to write whenever I feel to do so?
Then at times I feel like I need to say things to SOMEONE and so I create mr./ms. Smith who appreciates my thoughts and my views on life and isn't too upset I only update about once in two months and things 'tis a nice way to spend five minutes while drinking green tea with honey.
Or something like that.

Yeah, all these account for lazy excuses of too bored and tired to write or update this since the beginning of May. Oooopsay :3

So what did I do during the few months? Meh, nothing much. Visited friends and family in Missouri (soaking hot, I'm telling you) and created movie stories inside my head.
I also shared things with my relatives (which I later regretted a bit, I'm not sure if I want them to know too much about me either), brought soda-flavored lipsmackers to some of
my friends and ran conversations in my head (most of them ended up with me either being upset or laughing at my stupidity.)

I've also lately wished I'd have a secret twin, once again, one who'd want to share everything with me and who'd stay up all night with me, talking about random stuff.
But everyone has their secret twin already, or if they don't, they seem to be content with the fact and leave it be.

On top of that I've been imagining and visualizing my dream man. Needless to say, not the most realistic thing (Ed Westwick, be mine?) but I have fun with it anyway. I mean I'm
sure I'm not the only one in this world who wishes they'd have some underground movie d'awwww-scenes in life, every once in a while. Not too often, obviously.

I've spent way too much money and I NEED new good music. I'd also like a new, bigger iPod, but since my old one is working fine I'm not willing to spend anymore (of someone else's) money to get a new version. I'll just bite my tongue and enjoy little things in life. Like soap bubbles, cute rings and shimmering eyeshadows.
And shoes. Definitely shoes.

I only have one picture I'd like to show you right now, but I hope you like fireworks. I sure don't.