20101214

Ahead of time

My room, as well as my life currently, is a mess. I didn't mean it to end that way but you know how sometimes you just feel a bit too lazy to pick everything up after you've put it down and then slowly chaos crawls into the nest and the next thing you notice is BOOM. It's a big mess.
And you can clean it up with time and effort but it takes so much effort and too much time and UGH, the worst part is ahead of you:
actually starting to clean things up.

I have anxiety and frustration that revolves around the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I've been trying to live one day at a time, and sure, you know, that's awesome - until you reach the day when everything seems wrong and useless and worthless and just plain awful, and you have no idea where you are headed in life, except the supposed direction is all covered up in mist and seems to lead down instead of up. And there you are, trying to tell yourself that it's okay, it's okay - tomorrow will be better.
Well, excuse me miss happy pants, but you've been living your life so in-the-moment that you haven't really paid any attention to your future. And now it's biting you in the ass.

Well, maybe not that dramatically.

But I have a natural tendency to worry about things before they happen so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, I'm fully capable of saying I jinxed it for myself. Then I naturally have the right to willow in self pity and fear of the world. Yay.

I promise I'm not this dramatic and whiny all the time. I've been fairly happy for a few weeks and now this hit me.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Or what to study after I get out of this school.
Or what to eat tomorrow.

I like this song, you should totally listen to it.

6 comments:

Claire said...

Really hope you can find your way deciding what to do with life.

As for having a messy bedroom I get that, how come it turns from a few things out of place to suddenly everything like a bomb has landed?! Crazy stuff.

rreetta said...

Ugh, I hope so too. And I know I'm not in a rush yet, I have the rest of my life to decide what I want to do, but some general idea would be nice! And not too much to ask, IMO :I

Ahahah I know right?

iida said...

For the last two years I've been going to a school I hate, studying a field I hate, just because I didn't have the finest idea what I wanted when I gratuated from high school.

Go to work and take life as it comes if you don't know what to do after school. Experimenting different jobs is in my opinion better than sitting in a classroom trying to pretend you're interested in something you really are not. It's frustrating, BELIEVE YOU ME.

Or go to open university or university of applied sciences.

rreetta said...

I'm considering uni of applied science

it would be easier for me to get in anyway XD

Rikku said...

You are such a cute and an adorable girl, and most of all interesting person =) seen you couple of times live and got suprised how tall you actually are :o always thought you are short and blond girl ^^

rreetta said...

Awww thank you so much!! ♥
Haha, I'm rocking the 164cm or whatever I am >w<