Holidays are here

A list of things that have made me happy lately:

Baking ginger bread
cute guy with gorgeous blue eyes
A hug from behind I got yesterday
The sound of snow under my boots
Brian Molko's voice in Battle For The Sun
Pretty pictures of light, and cute things
my ear muffs

That's all.

Ahead of time

My room, as well as my life currently, is a mess. I didn't mean it to end that way but you know how sometimes you just feel a bit too lazy to pick everything up after you've put it down and then slowly chaos crawls into the nest and the next thing you notice is BOOM. It's a big mess.
And you can clean it up with time and effort but it takes so much effort and too much time and UGH, the worst part is ahead of you:
actually starting to clean things up.

I have anxiety and frustration that revolves around the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I've been trying to live one day at a time, and sure, you know, that's awesome - until you reach the day when everything seems wrong and useless and worthless and just plain awful, and you have no idea where you are headed in life, except the supposed direction is all covered up in mist and seems to lead down instead of up. And there you are, trying to tell yourself that it's okay, it's okay - tomorrow will be better.
Well, excuse me miss happy pants, but you've been living your life so in-the-moment that you haven't really paid any attention to your future. And now it's biting you in the ass.

Well, maybe not that dramatically.

But I have a natural tendency to worry about things before they happen so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, I'm fully capable of saying I jinxed it for myself. Then I naturally have the right to willow in self pity and fear of the world. Yay.

I promise I'm not this dramatic and whiny all the time. I've been fairly happy for a few weeks and now this hit me.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Or what to study after I get out of this school.
Or what to eat tomorrow.

I like this song, you should totally listen to it.

So many things in this world

If there's one thing I hate in this world it's cigarettes. I hate how people dump their cigarettes on the ground and act like it's okay, I hate it when people try to justify their smoking with obscure reasons, I hate the smell.
This doesn't mean I dislike a person who smokes. Most of my friends smoke. I think I've heard every single justification they've tried to offer me as why do they smoke and - sorry - I don't buy a single one of them.

I swear to God that if it were up to me, I'd take down the whole cigarette industry and tear every last cancer stick to pieces.
/rant.

Okay, but to different matters now.

You know those days when you look at the mirror and go "no"? Those days when you feel kind of icky, hair doesn't do what you want it to do, make up looks wrong and every single piece of clothing you own just makes you want to cry?
I call those Mondays Actually I don't but this was one of those days... And then I decided I just won't have it.
I'm not going to spend my day sulking and being upset.

And it worked! I'm amazed.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer, fresh out of a shower I took to wash the murkiness away.  My hair smells nice, I'm wearing the most comfortable clothes I could get my hands on (this combo is hideous. Trust me.) and my apartment is starting to smell like pumpkin spice because of this wonderful little candle I'm burning.

I was supposed to go out and do some serious Christmas shopping today but decided against it, mostly because the tundrapocalypse is still having a party of its own. I don't mind it mostly.

I slept a good eight hours last night and I've been sleeping fairly well lately anyway, but gosh darn it, I'm freaking tired. I can't help it. I'm fighting the urge to take a nap right now, too. (Mainly because my hair is still wet and I don't want it to dry in a weird way)

Now I think I'm going to play mahjong until my hair is dry and then maybe eat something.

Nice things and why they don't fit with me

Dear friends, let me tell you a story about a stupid little girl who played with a half eaten apple, trying to see if the dog would appreciate it (the other one did, the other one started sneezing).
Here's a picture of what happened to this little girl (aka me) after she decided she just HAD to touch her eye just a bit before she could wash her hands after touching the apple:

Fear the red eyed monster! Yarrr!

Lesson: Don't play with things you're allergic to. Really. My eyes hurt like a b*tch after the incident.
Although it was funny as soon as they stopped itching. Which was like next morning. Anyway.

If you live in Finland, you've noticed the tundrapocalypse has started. I swear it is colder outside than inside a regular freezer. Yes, I'm not kidding. I still find it funny that people freak out every year when it's starts snowing because obviously it never ever snows in Finland.
I don't mind the snow. I just can't stand the coldness.
Or the freezing wind. If it was a person no one would love it.
Just so you know.

No my darling, don't leave me!!

My PC is acting up (No, I don't need 'should have mac ;3' crap, I don't have a mac, I have a PC >:I ) and it makes me quite sad. ;____________; Please my darling Arthur (yes, that's the name of my laptop), work!!
The DVD player is acting up and making a horrible noise that scares me to death so now I'm just.. not using it.

I wanted to watch Sherlock Holmes tonight but no can do.

I feel like renewing my image, and by image I mean my wardrobe. I love all things secretary-ish, like high waist skirts, white blouses, simple pearls and oh-so-snazzy high heels. I wanted to make a picture of the sort of clothes I would love to get right now but I'm too lazy to google individual pieces of clothing and paste them on photoshop and I can't remember a single site that would help me do that. I can't even remember what it's called. Ooooops me.
I can't even wear high heels on a daily basis (and who can?) but I just love how they make me taller and more "complete". I have a long back which - unfortunately - makes my legs seem short and stubby, so high heels perfectly proportionate my body.

Also,  two random snaps I've taken with my phone. I have a habit of writing on my skin. One day I will probably get an ink poisoning.

I'm sorry this post doesn't really make sense. I just felt like babbling.

The very best insults I get from old cartoons.

Oh dear Lord. It's raining in snow form (No, it is NOT snowing, snow is nice and pretty and powdery), huge flakes that melt and transform magically into the wettest form of water as soon as they touch you, this monstrous form of so called snow makes you drip water from every corner and place possible.

I was completely prepared for winter - I had my furry boots, winter coat and the faux-fur-thing warming up my neck and I was all dolled up... noot so much. When I left school to head home, the water went through my boots and I was basically just running to get home as soon as possible. I swear I was this close to tears when I finally stepped inside of my apartment.
Now I'm all warm and fuzzy again so I feel a lot better.

Over the weekend I saw some friends at Tsukicon and at times felt a little left out but probably for understandable reasons. I had fun nevertheless.

I've been reliving the best of my childhood by watching Moomins online. I just really love them... and after all, I first learned to speak by watching them. According to my mom I was always talking in a
very polite manner because of it.

Oh! And I saw the seventh Harry Potter (1st part) yesterday, and excuse my fan-girlism, but how am I supposed to make it all the way to _July_ before I get to see the second part? Cruel. Very cruel.

Solely because of daydreaming

Currently I'm spending a little too much time inside my head rather than outside of it, which creates practical problems, such as the following:

1. I'm getting a little stressed. My stress is mainly caused by my unrealistic expectations for myself that I do not tend to follow, but also outside forces, like other people (men, krhm krhm), news and missing people who live on the other side of the Atlantic.
My stress shows mainly on my skin condition, which has worsened radically and which then, in turn, creates tiny little problems with my self esteem and stuff. I'm now planning to go without foundation and powder for the next five days, even though it hurts me to do so. But it just happens that I've used too much makeup and something needs to chaaange.

2. My apartment is a complete mess. I mean it, it's awful. I have half of my closet on my bed and the rest scattered everywhere. I also have makeup laying around and other stuff elsewhere. But obviously I find everything the minute I need it (except I don't have a clue where my iron supplement pills are, and therefore have not taken them in a week. Whooooops.)

3. I sigh awfully lot realizing I'm not making out with Ed Westwick, which I have done in my dreams sooo maanyy tiiiimes. Truth hurts, doesn't it?

Okay. Since I haven't decided to turn this blog into an exclusive whiny blog about everything that annoys me (trust me, the list is looooooong.), let's try something positive!

First, I've mainly listened to classical music for the last two weeks. Why's that, you ask? Because it's freaking awesome and kicks ass. That's right. Some Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky or Prokofiev (I wonder why all my three favorite composers are Russian. Hmmmmm.) are guaranteed to kick start my day and make it so much more awesome.

And second, while waiting for the tram to get home today, I had a nice conversation with a complete stranger who made me smile with the cheesy line of "what was I talking about? Your smile got me a little distracted."
That's why I love smiling, because it makes other people feel good. And I think I doublesmiled after that comment.

For the comical value, let's try a  random picture of me:

I think I'm ready to try my luck and see if I could see mr.Westwick in my dream tonight.