20091126

Feel like the wind in her hair

That's what I came up with for my photography lesson, normal days vs. dreams. Oh, so interesting! Oh, so charming!
Oh, I laughed.

Today I saw a lady talking to herself in the tram I was in. She was making arm movements, turning around to face everyone, sat down to a seat and mumbled with her index finger raised high "Now I remember! I'm a robot.... They made me into a robot... They're making everyone into a robot..."
She wasn't acting violent, she was dressed decent and she wasn't actually talking to anybody and she completely made my day. I couldn't help smiling wide.

I hope you'll figure everything out. I miss you.

20091118

perfect day for sleeping

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so damn moody. I got four hours of sleep because I was stupid and stayed online for wayyy too long (I'm blaming you for company), slept wayyy too little and thought about things wayyy too much.

Results in me staying inside for the rest of the day. The start of my morning was horrible too. I felt horrible, hideous, stupid and absolutely worthless. All of this turned upside down in less than an hour, and then all of a sudden I was happy, bouncy and ready to declare world peace between man and penguins.

You have any idea how freaking awesome it is to take a PINK, delicious smelling, bath during daytime? Let me tell you, it's divine. I smell goooood.

Oh and I feel like I should announce this, Ash Stymest is gorgeous.

Oh and another thing! Why doesn't this ever happen to me?
"Today, I tried #10 of ways to get kicked out of walmart; Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME!" I did this once, and the hot guy that was standing there picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and asked the nearest sales woman how much I was. We have a date tomorrow, thank you walmart. MLIA"

20091114

maybe it's them


Part of the problem is me. Actually I think the root of the problem is me: me and my daydreaming while I'm awake. I've spent two hours doing nothing but listening to music that fits the current situation and imagining things I would have loved to do, would love to do or would do just because.
But I'm not talking about realistic crap, so enough with it. I'm talking about guns, weapons and oh no you won't - lines. Isn't this classy?

I pointed out that the "sonnet" we were reading in Finnish wasn't actually a sonnet at all, it wasn't really following the lines of sonnet. My teacher was confused. "Do you know sonnets?" Well, I just had to study them for a few months so I guess I could say something.

I cleaned my room today, and I still feel like I'm getting sick. I'm having issues on multiple continents, which isn't really any good. I can't deal with any of it, I just push it down and hope it goes away by itself. I rarely deal with problems...
I love how I multiply them by discussing them with myself. Then I go to LJsecrets and realize I have nothing compared to these people.

Except I would love to write notes and leave them in librarybooks.

20091111

any moment, any day now

Today I had a class visitation to an advertisement company. There were thirteen of us students and the first thing we heard was "awee would you look at these little ones, WHAT are these? Geez, they keep multiplying!"
It made a few of the other students annoyed but just made me laugh. Sure, go ahead and call me a kid when you're thirty something. In reality you're just jealous.

You know something else freaking cool? The cutest salesperson ever still remembers me. I SAW his expression change from the normal "you want to buy this stuff from me because I'm effin hot, I know it" smirk he has on to this cutest ever recognition. After talking for a while I continued my mindless wandering with a smile on my face. I can't help it, he's too cute. I don't even know his name.

Now I'm going to be classy and stay on computer for the whole night.

20091108

she whispers something forgotten

Can I not control myself? Can I not get a hold of my myself? I need a remote control designed to take care of stuff that goes on in my mind: love now, volume up, mute, and turn off.

Why don't I have a TURN OFF - button for my feelings?

I have this habit of building up images in my head and only a little friction is needed for the whole thing to break down. I'm stupid enough to forget that I have to actually survive in the reality, other than just my dreams.

Oh well, some people never learn.

20091107

Flowers in the dead night

You know, EH EH, I'm not really too active with this, am I now. I actually thought I could try again, for the forty-thousand-seventieth time or something like that. I need something steady and stable with my life, maybe this could be it.

SIKE, I'm going to be dead for another month, I bet you.

I saw a dream last night that carried on for hours, I bet. It started out as me running away to meet my lover - strange enough I can't remember who he was or what he looked like - and ended up in a place that looked remarkably like a big ice-skating hall / arena. You know the big ugly boxes that have a ring inside?
Well when I got there I discovered that someone had stolen my baby - because I apparently had a baby - and the person stealing my precious offspring was the mother of my lover.

Why do I feel like even my dreams think I'm a fucktard?

Anyway, After serious weird Tarzan - bungee jumps I ended up getting her in a corner, demanding my baby back. She started screaming that someone had stolen HER baby, which to say would have been my lover's little brother or sister, and of course I volunteered to search her baby.

Somehow I ended up in a giant swimming pool and started to look for my friends. I found a SHARK, who said he lost the baby I was looking for in a gamble. A mafia mob was putting her up for sale in a baby business.

.. What?

Well I had to do something, right? After asking around for what felt like a second I discovered that in the swimming pool there was a secret area you could only access with two cards: nine of kettles and seven of diamonds. When you settle these two cards in the exactly right place, a secret door will open and let you in.
In we go, and I ended up in a casino that was giving out stolen babies as prizes. I got questioned for my ID but surprisingly enough I only had to say "I'll deal with you later" and the security guards let me wonder about.

When I woke up, I felt extremely confused.

My earlier dream from a few nights passed was even better! It was like a movie. A gay guy kissed me multiple times, and I had to assure him he was gay and he was not supposed to kiss me (to which he answered yeah, I know, but I just had to try it) and after a whole set of people trying to keep me in a movie I told them they need to make it more FRENCH.

I seriously don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

I don't have any pictures right now, because I'm too lazy to photoshop them. Maybe you'll survive.