Don't know what to say

You know the feeling when you justify the lack of something in your life by saying "I have things to focus on and I don't need these other things because they would only lead me astray"?
you know the feeling when you prepare for something big and basically plan your daily life around it?
Then suddenly it's over. Done. Gone. And you feel relieved... for a while.
After a while, it just starts feeling empty.
And the bunch of shit that piled up earlier just crashes because you don't have to push them off your mind anymore. Currently my mind is quite the hurricane.

I bribed myself for being such a good sport about the matriculation exams. I bought some makeup so I can feel really pretty every once in a while.

I'm completely bummed about my (lack of) love life these days. I saw four good looking guys today (really, really good) and became a bit more bummed out. Oh welll, maybe there's time. And I don't mean I can't enjoy being single. I just get a teensy weensy bit jealous when I see cute couples walking hand in hand.
And I get a little bit sad when I look outside and realize it's the perfect weather to cuddle with a cup of hot chocolate and then realize I have no one to cuddle with.
And when I see the cutest watch ever and my friend says it's the kind of watch you get with a boyfriend so they match, or the kind that the guy gets you for a present. That's when I'm a bit sad I don't have a boyfriend.

And it's not like my check list for a guy is TOO impossible!
I mean, I'd like the guy to

  • catch my attention (aka please be pretty and dress nice)
  • have confidence in yourself every once in a while. Being shy is cute but there is a limit.
  • have a little bit of romantic in them (I'm not asking for serenades, I'd just like to walk hand in hand in public and I don't know, get a flower every once in a while. Or chocolate if I'm craving for it)
  • have a little attitude (not "I'll break your face/ your mom's face/ the wall/ everything because I'm so freaking bad ass" but like... not give in to EVERYTHING. And maybe make me blush sometimes.)
  • wanting to go somewhere in life and be prepared to work for it (not "I don't need edumacation, I'm going to be a rock star and really famous". For real.)

That's not too much to ask, is it? It is?
FML, I'm going to end up staying single for the rest of my life.

Also, I'm starting to wonder if I actually get crazy around full moon.