Such a funny way to fall

I am really really really effin tired. I'm supposed to clean my room because it's a car wreck a little messy, but I might have to take a nap first. I'm going to start reviving psychology for March's exam tomorrow. I should probably make a study schedule so I'll stay focused.

First things first! I've been..... not surprisingly quiet with this thing. The whole 'it's too puplic to write about private things but I love writing at random times ;_;' thing has been slightly an issue, but I've come to a perfect conclusion:
To motivate myself in studying I went and bought a moleskine that I'm going to fill with private details and little drawings about whatever I feel is too private to put here. Yay! Cheer for the genius that is me.

So now it's all froody.  I still have no idea what I'm going to do after high school though.

Oh, and I found the perfect jeans and they were 8 euros. Someone upstairs must love me.

I need to invest in cool comics.

Ohohohoo, would you look at that. Another quiet month in my blogging, which doesn't really surprise me. Things got in the way.

Anyway! First things first, I've developed a caffeine addiction - mostly because of this huge bunch of energy drinks I got as a gift (read from below).
'Tis rather unfortunate, but as the exams are getting closer and closer (first one is in a week. Yikes!) I don't have time to try to kick my addiction and get rid of it.
So I'll be sipping caffeinated drinks with caution for the next.... month. Or two. Oh joyness.

Then... Yeah, I don't really have much to say. I've poured my thoughts mainly in twitter, because it's easier. It's here.


Things I haven't been doing lately that I should be doing:
* studying for my exams
* studying for my exams
* learning something new

Things I have been doing that I should not be doing:
* everything else

I've also spent a bit too much money cashing sales and sitting in various coffee shops (usually with people, once alone) and thought about the world, myself, others. Food.
You know, the regular stuff.

I've come to the posession of a huge amount of energy drinks, as a gift. I'm very pleased, but also slightly worried that this might assist me becoming an addict. Already happened. I'm conducting a test of how long I can keep them alive.
Granted I have much help to destroy these vile drinks that steal my attention every time.

I haven't even had time to abuse my camera!

But yeah. I think I'll try to be a bit more efficient with my blog, because it kind of helps me get things off my mind. Which leaves space for... other things.

I've also been thinking (You notice how often I have to mention 'I think'? It's ridiculous. I need to cut it out.) I kind of want to do a post about how my looks have changed during the years... but there are a few issues to that.
First, I really don't have a generic style I'm following.
Second, I've never had a generic style of following.
Third, I'm missing half of the pictures.
Fourth, It'd be an embarrassing ride to see how much of a failure I was with basically everything.
Not saying I've gotten better, hehehe.

I got this baby from eBay. My first reaction to it was "ohmygodit'ssocuteihavetohaveit!!". My dad commented, saying that 'cute' wasn't exactly the word he'd use and that it reminded him of Davy Jones. Oh well, I love it.

Anyway, toodlepip.

Happy cookie

I've acted like a proper citizen today and supported the economy by blowing money on all sorts of important things like clothes and makeup. Actually I'm a sly fox and an excellent bargain hunter - if you don't mind me saying it so myself - thus not really blowing any money at all, and I didn't even buy anything I really don't need!
Sort of.
I guess I could have made it without this one, really cute and simple skirt I bought but hey, how lame would life be without skirts?

I guess I was also sending out some vibes or something, because almost every sales person I encountered was eager to give me assistance on multiple occasions and just generally making sure I was really fine and everything was okay. Either that or I looked suicidal and they were just checking. Haha, no.

Anyway, I'm not too used to that because c'mon, this is Finland. In Finland it's okay to greet by letting out some sort of a grunt and people have a silent agreement not to touch anyone. Ever.
And I mean, I don't actually like it. I like smiling, I like saying hello when someone says hello. I like friendly sales persons, but they just catch me off guard every time because this is FINLAND.

There are three kinds of sales persons: nice ones, very nice ones and then there are those who make you go "...nice" in a not nice way. Of course every one has their bad days, and the behavior of customers themselves isn't always proper in itself - you can't really expect someone to be over the top nice to you if you're swearing, calling them stupid or trying to scare them with your 'I've never been this angry' face.
Or something like that.

But I feel like there are some few people who just should not be in a workplace that requires them communicating with new people every day. I've met a few, who time after time seem to be fed up with life and everything in it, and their 'I loathe you' - attitude leaves me in a slight confusion as to what did I do to deserve such cold stares.
I usually try to lighten up the situation myself. I'm pretty sure it's hard to keep smiling if everyone else is busy trying to growl without a sound, but a smile usually deserves a smile back. It sometimes makes everything better!

Also, acting nice towards other people - including sales person, who, surprisingly enough, are REAL PEOPLE! gasp - often causes them to act nice toward you.
Which is, you know, nice.

Is the word nice starting to sound weird? Maybe I've used it a bit too much.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood.

Something we can't become

I'm unorganized and I tend to loath routines. That's why I write in uneven periods, every once in a while and that's why things seem to get behind my back and surprise me because I run out of time with everything.
True story.

Anyway, Christmas was awesome, New Year's Eve was awesome and the whole 2011 year thingie took off a great start......

And then I got sick. Ugh. I hate to be sick. I slept a whole three hours last night, every last muscle aching because of slight fever, my nose was either running or I couldn't breathe and I had a terrible headache.
Oh and everytime I sneeze it feels like someone throbs my throat with a sharp, poison dipped dagger multiple times in a row and leaves me gasping for air - which hurts even more.
Curse you, viruses and bacters. I'm sure you're having fun right now.

I don't have any fun pictures to show you right now but you should listen to this song. It's amazingggg.

Holidays are here

A list of things that have made me happy lately:

Baking ginger bread
cute guy with gorgeous blue eyes
A hug from behind I got yesterday
The sound of snow under my boots
Brian Molko's voice in Battle For The Sun
Pretty pictures of light, and cute things
my ear muffs

That's all.

Ahead of time

My room, as well as my life currently, is a mess. I didn't mean it to end that way but you know how sometimes you just feel a bit too lazy to pick everything up after you've put it down and then slowly chaos crawls into the nest and the next thing you notice is BOOM. It's a big mess.
And you can clean it up with time and effort but it takes so much effort and too much time and UGH, the worst part is ahead of you:
actually starting to clean things up.

I have anxiety and frustration that revolves around the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I've been trying to live one day at a time, and sure, you know, that's awesome - until you reach the day when everything seems wrong and useless and worthless and just plain awful, and you have no idea where you are headed in life, except the supposed direction is all covered up in mist and seems to lead down instead of up. And there you are, trying to tell yourself that it's okay, it's okay - tomorrow will be better.
Well, excuse me miss happy pants, but you've been living your life so in-the-moment that you haven't really paid any attention to your future. And now it's biting you in the ass.

Well, maybe not that dramatically.

But I have a natural tendency to worry about things before they happen so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, I'm fully capable of saying I jinxed it for myself. Then I naturally have the right to willow in self pity and fear of the world. Yay.

I promise I'm not this dramatic and whiny all the time. I've been fairly happy for a few weeks and now this hit me.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Or what to study after I get out of this school.
Or what to eat tomorrow.

I like this song, you should totally listen to it.

So many things in this world

If there's one thing I hate in this world it's cigarettes. I hate how people dump their cigarettes on the ground and act like it's okay, I hate it when people try to justify their smoking with obscure reasons, I hate the smell.
This doesn't mean I dislike a person who smokes. Most of my friends smoke. I think I've heard every single justification they've tried to offer me as why do they smoke and - sorry - I don't buy a single one of them.

I swear to God that if it were up to me, I'd take down the whole cigarette industry and tear every last cancer stick to pieces.
/rant.

Okay, but to different matters now.

You know those days when you look at the mirror and go "no"? Those days when you feel kind of icky, hair doesn't do what you want it to do, make up looks wrong and every single piece of clothing you own just makes you want to cry?
I call those Mondays Actually I don't but this was one of those days... And then I decided I just won't have it.
I'm not going to spend my day sulking and being upset.

And it worked! I'm amazed.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer, fresh out of a shower I took to wash the murkiness away.  My hair smells nice, I'm wearing the most comfortable clothes I could get my hands on (this combo is hideous. Trust me.) and my apartment is starting to smell like pumpkin spice because of this wonderful little candle I'm burning.

I was supposed to go out and do some serious Christmas shopping today but decided against it, mostly because the tundrapocalypse is still having a party of its own. I don't mind it mostly.

I slept a good eight hours last night and I've been sleeping fairly well lately anyway, but gosh darn it, I'm freaking tired. I can't help it. I'm fighting the urge to take a nap right now, too. (Mainly because my hair is still wet and I don't want it to dry in a weird way)

Now I think I'm going to play mahjong until my hair is dry and then maybe eat something.