Slow Currents

Snowcapolypse is here !

2012-01-18T12:30:00.000+02:00

I was supposed to do a rather big entry about things including... well, everything, but you know how sometimes you think you're going to do something and then you don't do it. It's a continuous thing, really.
Anyway, we are doing some sort of blogging experiences at school at the moment so I thought it's a GREAT time to once again note that I'm not that good at writing regularly. Oops.

So the big thing I was excited about last time? I got email from HOAS, a student apartment organization in Finland (Well, actually Helsinki area) that they have a spot for me in one of their apartments...
So I moved. Further away from the city. Bleh. But the area is nice... and something else is nice there too but I'm not going to talk about that right now >:33
My room is nice but really cold. I can't hang around in a tank top and shorts, no way. So sad. I'll show you pictures later !

I've been crazy busy but thing should slow down after this week. Yay!

Fingers crossed for sure

2011-11-07T18:49:00.000+02:00

excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited excited.

That's all for now.
Also, fingers crossed.

PRETTY PLEASE. *__*

cue melancholy instrumental music for a rainy day

2011-10-30T19:17:00.000+02:00

Things I've done today that I shouldn't:
Stared at the laptop screen
Walked around my room just staring at the mess and not cleaning it up
Whined inside my head
Played Pokémon

Things I haven't done today that I should've:
Written a school thingie to determine what I'm going to do in the future
The dishes
Clean my room
The laundry

It's one of these days again.

You know the annoying type of a person who constantly complains about their lack of love life or interest? That's what I FEEL like doing right now.
I want cuddles. Preferably now.
I want eskimo kisses and stupid romantic stuff like leaving lovey-dovey notes in surprising places.
I want that god-awful-feeling of "does he like me? What's that look supposed to mean?" that everyone HATES when they're experiencing it.

But I don't want to be that type of a person. I don't want to complain.

No, wait, I already did. Woooops ! :3

When you're healthy, say thank you.

2011-10-25T22:09:00.000+03:00

This text might be a little grotesque. Don't read if you don't want to.

There are only a few things I absolutely loathe in this world.

One is puking. I despise having anything come up that I've already once digested. It tastes gross, it feels gross, it smells awful and it's just plain wrong. Luckily I haven't had to stand that in a few years now.

Second is smoking. Everyone knows how I feel about smoking. I've never smoked and I don't plan to try. When I was younger, I was one of the less popular kids so I didn't have to try and get credit by ruining my lungs. Yay me.

Third one, and this is the one bugging me at this very moment, is gum infections. A really nasty one, too.
AARGHHH.

I might have to call a dentist. Ugh. Dentists.

Whenever you're healthy, stop and think about it for a while. Consider yourself a lottery winner of the universe. You are.

I'm great at organizing my time

2011-10-12T13:38:00.001+03:00

It's exam week, which means that I'm ~~not studying at all~~ studying SUPER hard. Yeah. Totally.
Haha. I don't know, I haven't been able to stress myself too much over everything... which was nice, considering I surprised the heck out of myself and got a 5 from my first exam.

Just reminding that we use a scale from 1 to 5. So ... not bad. Yay!

Today I didn't have any exam but studying to do for tomorrow's and Friday's exams and also two reports and such that need finishing. Bleh. It will be alright as soon as I get myself to do them but I just strongly dislike written assignments. I write when I want to! (And if you've followed my blog for more than two months you know that's not too often. HEH.)

I had a moment of boredom earlier. Because 11:30am is universally too early to do school work, I thought I'd want to eat something... then this little annoying voice in my head reminded me of our sole vow to never eat when we are bored (I swear I'm not schizophrenic) so I thought I'd exercise instead.

My muscles are sooreee.
They're going to be sore tomorrow too. And it's going to be that almost pleasurable pain where you just WANT to stretch everything a little more to remind you that you've done this to yourself and this is awesome.
.. I swear I'm not masochistic, either. I just think post work-out pain is the best.

Yeah. Schoolwork. Right.

My necklace broke & Randomities.

2011-09-27T22:29:00.001+03:00

My nails are bright red, I wamt to buy a new make-up pencil sharpener, I need to do a heck of a lot of school work and I haven't had a crush in one point seven years. And for some reason I always get the urge to write during nights when I'm supposed to - tattadadaa - sleep, so that's a whole other clash of interests right there.

My best buy perhaps ever has been my cute little Nintendo DS Lite and Pokèmon HeartGold I got for it. I'm shamelessly playing whenever possible, including breaks at school when I could be socializing (took me four times to spell that right) with my awesome classmates. They actually are awesome, don't get me wrong.

My hair grows too slow because my eating habits are worse than a raccoon's. Vitamins? What are those? My tummy grumbles with hunger every time I get out of school because GOSH DANGIT I can't survive eight hours with just one meal in between, no way sir.

I'm very good at breaking my own promises, which reminds me not to make promises at all anyway.

I'm hungry now but it's 10:30pm and I don't want to get out of bed cause I brushed my teeth already.

Besides my first world problems, I'm very much happy with life and I'm doing my best to enjoy it to its fullest.

I tried sketching

2011-08-07T20:49:00.000+03:00

I wrote two paragraphs that included whining and then decided naw. I'm just going to leave these here.

So how are you guys doing?

Ow ow ow.

2011-07-26T23:32:00.000+03:00

I have an awful headache but I FEEL like writing and write I shall.

I've been at my family's summer house - no electricity, gas refrigerator and a pathetic little puddle with murky water (and a sauna, obviously) that my mother claims is perfect for swimming: it even has little fishies ! Needless to say, me being far to used to living in the city didn't stick a toe in it once but I did manage to enjoy being in the middle of nowhere, minding my own business and being clueless about anything. (I played Pokémon. There.)

I stumbled upon a little intriguing thing called the Enneagram of Personality. I'm not going to spoil your joy of googling it for yourself and filling your head with a wikipedia article (go ahead, be my guest.) and I am going to acknowledge that I'm a sucker for any kind of self evaluation, analysing one's personality and going "hmm. That's kinda me!" with a giggly amusement. I don't do daily horoscopes but... you catch my drift. Anyway, I thought it would be fun and important (ha ha ha) to tell you that I am a perfectly flegmatic type 9, 'a peacemaker'. Now you can find out all of my flaws without me telling you anything!

... Shut up, I'm tired and I don't know what I'm typing. Toodlepip.

Shut up, it's Summer.

2011-07-07T00:32:00.000+03:00

So I decided that 10:30pm is a great time to start an inventory on my closet.
Big mistake.
It's now 12:25am and I've given up for the day. I have well over a half of my clothes still thrown on my chair (and partially on the floor. Guess who's going to have to do extra laundry tomorrow?) and I'm starting to grow a little worried.
How is it possible that I have so many clothes yet nothing to wear, ever? I've counted 14 skirts and 8 pairs of jeans so far. I'm not allowed to buy any clothes ever again, okay. Good. We know I'm going to break that promise but ANNYYWAAAY.
Hi !

So a quick catch-up:
1. I graduated. Thank you.
2. I got a new laptop as a graduation present. Yes, I'm very happy.
3. I also got to go to London. Yes, it was nice. No, I did not spot any of my English hotties (Ed Westwick, Ash Stymest, Jude Law, etc etc.)
4. I got into School to study travel management and leadership stuff. Thank you, I'm excited.

Oh and also,
5. I need a new apartment ASAP. :I

When I'm bored I outline my veins.

2011-05-01T00:20:00.000+03:00

I've heard a saying that goes somewhat along these lines: to find yourself you have to first lose yourself. Well I'm currently losing myself..... in the awesome world of animated movies like Pinocchio and How To Train Your Dragon. 'scuse moi.

That's nothing new though. I don't think I've had a phase in my life where I would have shunned away from Disney classics (and I went through the typical "I hate everything the masses like" - phase at 12, don't worry) and I have no shame declaring that I rummage through sales almost every week trying to find Disney DVDs for cheap. They're an INVESTMENT, shut up.

But other than that I am going through a slight identity crisis at the moment. My social life is mostly shattered and I don't have anyone else to blame than myself, and I'm steadily getting to the point where I'm purchasing a white tank top and a black permanent marker and making a ~~statement~~ factual print shirt for myself. It's going to say "I'M BORING" and it's going to save me from ever having to explain myself ever ever again.

It's kind of sad I guess but I haven't found it in me to frown about it yet.

Now, the facts are that I really don't drink that much (I don't like the taste of alcohol), I don't smoke and I rarely party - mostly because I love sleeping and partly because I've become socially isolated and I'm not invited to that many parties. I strongly dislike horror movies and I'm shamelessly fond of shiny things - be they useless crap or girly accessories. I have a habit of being petty with details and I'm awfully picky about what I eat or don't eat.

My friends call me 'motherly'. People I've known for 20 minutes roll their eyes and go 'Ok, mom'.

Gosh I really am boring. And today I couldn't even find anything to wear !

To enlighten my self conscious rant, here's a picture to enlighten the mood. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, erm... us.

I look rather dashing in my mustache.

Spring is awesome with Clazziquai.

2011-04-20T20:08:00.000+03:00

My allergies are kicking in and if nothing else is good about them, they are an absolute way of telling the Spring is - finally - here. I have to resist the constant urge to rub my eyes because they are itching. I don't like this part. Just if you didn't know.

The Spring generally causes a few things in me, both physically and mentally.

First, well, obviously, there are my allergies. I already said that.

Second...ly, I start rummaging through my wardrobe and can't find anything nice to wear, or find everything too 'not me', 'fit for winter' and 'when did I ever get this? Ew'.

Thirdly - and this is not even necessarily my fault - clothing stores suddenly get awesome. I need this, I want that, I don't need them but gosh I want those so bad. If I were anymore vain than I already am I'd probably cry myself to sleep thinking of this very specific coat I saw in Zara. (I told you I should not be allowed there ever.)

And finally - as if I haven't complained or talked about this enough - I become increasingly aware of my relationship status. Bla bla bla, being single is awesome and fun and shit, but - let's face it - I sort of have a problem of only finding cool guys from abroad. I don't even know what it is.

I pretty much freaked out in a happy state yesterday after spotting THREE good looking guys during the day. In Helsinki. During a four hour time period!

And I don't know if you could actually say that it's because I'm too picky, etc., 'I'm sure there are tons of good looking guys in Helsinki but you're such a no life you never see them, foo' - I tend to drool after people my friends look at and go '... are you serious? HIM?'. So. Yah. Ok maybe I'm a little bit picky.

So I'm doomed for life. YAY.

Hahahahaha ok, maybe not. I think I'm going to take a nap.

Oh... hi!

2011-04-13T21:39:00.000+03:00

He he hee...... Heh.
Did anyone notice my blog's been dead for... idk, two months? No? Thought so! Then it's alright.

Yeah.. I don't have much to say about that. I can't say I've been too busy; I haven't.
I got done with my matriculation examinations, some of which went well and some... not so well, I have my very first JOB ( ! ) as an event assistant, and that's only about once a month for approx. ten hours at a time. Whee!

Right now I'm in the middle of my busiest two weeks in ... probably years, because I have something everyday - which never happens anyway.
I thought I would've 'officially' given SC a little hiatus so I could gather my thoughts and such but then I realized I just didn't write anything for two months, I'm sure anyone realizes I'm on a hiatus.

BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE! So rejoice. Applause. Thank you. Or not, that's fine too.

I'm in a really hyper state of mind, but I figured I'd share a few things with you.

1. I think I'm back. I'm trying to be.
2. No one should EVER let me near Zara. I almost got a seizure because I wanted everything.
3. Ed Westwick is still freaking gorgeous.
4. Reading other people's blogs always reminds me I want to write something in my own.
5. I'm extremely lazy. I'm not even going to put pictures in this one. Then again, what was the last time I did?

Anyway, I missed my stupid blog! I want to squeeze it and give it a bear hug. And force it to eat a few biscuits.
Feels good, man.

Such a funny way to fall

2011-02-19T16:32:00.000+02:00

I am really really really effin tired. I'm supposed to clean my room because it's ~~a car wreck~~ a little messy, but I might have to take a nap first. I'm going to start reviving psychology for March's exam tomorrow. I should probably make a study schedule so I'll stay focused.

First things first! I've been..... not surprisingly quiet with this thing. The whole 'it's too puplic to write about private things but I love writing at random times ;_;' thing has been slightly an issue, but I've come to a perfect conclusion:
To motivate myself in studying I went and bought a moleskine that I'm going to fill with private details and little drawings about whatever I feel is too private to put here. Yay! Cheer for the genius that is me.

So now it's all froody. I still have no idea what I'm going to do after high school though.

Oh, and I found the perfect jeans and they were 8 euros. Someone upstairs must love me.

I need to invest in cool comics.

2011-02-03T12:37:00.000+02:00

Ohohohoo, would you look at that. Another quiet month in my blogging, which doesn't really surprise me. Things got in the way.

Anyway! First things first, I've developed a caffeine addiction - mostly because of this huge bunch of energy drinks I got as a gift (read from below).
'Tis rather unfortunate, but as the exams are getting closer and closer (first one is in a week. Yikes!) I don't have time to try to kick my addiction and get rid of it.
So I'll be sipping caffeinated drinks with caution for the next.... month. Or two. Oh joyness.

Then... Yeah, I don't really have much to say. I've poured my thoughts mainly in twitter, because it's easier. It's here.

Things I haven't been doing lately that I should be doing:
* studying for my exams
* studying for my exams
* learning something new

Things I have been doing that I should not be doing:
* everything else

I've also spent a bit too much money cashing sales and sitting in various coffee shops (usually with people, once alone) and thought about the world, myself, others. Food.
You know, the regular stuff.

I've come to the posession of a huge amount of energy drinks, as a gift. I'm very pleased, but also slightly worried ~~that this might assist me becoming an addict~~. Already happened. I'm conducting a test of how long I can keep them alive.
Granted I have much help to destroy these vile drinks that steal my attention every time.

I haven't even had time to abuse my camera!

But yeah. I think I'll try to be a bit more efficient with my blog, because it kind of helps me get things off my mind. Which leaves space for... other things.

I've also been thinking (You notice how often I have to mention 'I think'? It's ridiculous. I need to cut it out.) I kind of want to do a post about how my looks have changed during the years... but there are a few issues to that.
First, I really don't have a generic style I'm following.
Second, I've never had a generic style of following.
Third, I'm missing half of the pictures.
Fourth, It'd be an embarrassing ride to see how much of a failure I was with basically everything.
Not saying I've gotten better, hehehe.

I got this baby from eBay. My first reaction to it was "ohmygodit'ssocuteihavetohaveit!!". My dad commented, saying that 'cute' wasn't exactly the word he'd use and that it reminded him of Davy Jones. Oh well, I love it.

Anyway, toodlepip.

Happy cookie

2011-01-13T16:37:00.001+02:00

I've acted like a proper citizen today and supported the economy by blowing money on all sorts of important things like clothes and makeup. Actually I'm a sly fox and an excellent bargain hunter - if you don't mind me saying it so myself - thus not really blowing any money at all, and I didn't even buy anything I really don't need!
Sort of.
I guess I could have made it without this one, really cute and simple skirt I bought but hey, how lame would life be without skirts?

I guess I was also sending out some vibes or something, because almost every sales person I encountered was eager to give me assistance on multiple occasions and just generally making sure I was really fine and everything was okay. Either that or I looked suicidal and they were just checking. Haha, no.

Anyway, I'm not too used to that because c'mon, this is Finland. In Finland it's okay to greet by letting out some sort of a grunt and people have a silent agreement not to touch anyone. Ever.
And I mean, I don't actually like it. I like smiling, I like saying hello when someone says hello. I like friendly sales persons, but they just catch me off guard every time because this is FINLAND.

There are three kinds of sales persons: nice ones, very nice ones and then there are those who make you go "...nice" in a not nice way. Of course every one has their bad days, and the behavior of customers themselves isn't always proper in itself - you can't really expect someone to be over the top nice to you if you're swearing, calling them stupid or trying to scare them with your 'I've never been this angry' face.
Or something like that.

But I feel like there are some few people who just should not be in a workplace that requires them communicating with new people every day. I've met a few, who time after time seem to be fed up with life and everything in it, and their 'I loathe you' - attitude leaves me in a slight confusion as to what did I do to deserve such cold stares.
I usually try to lighten up the situation myself. I'm pretty sure it's hard to keep smiling if everyone else is busy trying to growl without a sound, but a smile usually deserves a smile back. It sometimes makes everything better!

Also, acting nice towards other people - including sales person, who, surprisingly enough, are REAL PEOPLE! gasp - often causes them to act nice toward you.
Which is, you know, nice.

Is the word nice starting to sound weird? Maybe I've used it a bit too much.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood.

Something we can't become

2011-01-06T20:29:00.000+02:00

I'm unorganized and I tend to loath routines. That's why I write in uneven periods, every once in a while and that's why things seem to get behind my back and surprise me because I run out of time with everything.
True story.

Anyway, Christmas was awesome, New Year's Eve was awesome and the whole 2011 year thingie took off a great start......

And then I got sick. Ugh. I hate to be sick. I slept a whole three hours last night, every last muscle aching because of slight fever, my nose was either running or I couldn't breathe and I had a terrible headache.
Oh and everytime I sneeze it feels like someone throbs my throat with a sharp, poison dipped dagger multiple times in a row and leaves me gasping for air - which hurts even more.
Curse you, viruses and bacters. I'm sure you're having fun right now.

I don't have any fun pictures to show you right now but you should listen to this song. It's amazingggg.

Holidays are here

2010-12-22T21:00:00.000+02:00

A list of things that have made me happy lately:

Baking ginger bread
cute guy with gorgeous blue eyes
A hug from behind I got yesterday
The sound of snow under my boots
Brian Molko's voice in Battle For The Sun
Pretty pictures of light, and cute things
my ear muffs

That's all.

Ahead of time

2010-12-14T18:50:00.000+02:00

My room, as well as my life currently, is a mess. I didn't mean it to end that way but you know how sometimes you just feel a bit too lazy to pick everything up after you've put it down and then slowly chaos crawls into the nest and the next thing you notice is BOOM. It's a big mess.
And you can clean it up with time and effort but it takes so much effort and too much time and UGH, the worst part is ahead of you:
actually starting to clean things up.

I have anxiety and frustration that revolves around the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I've been trying to live one day at a time, and sure, you know, that's awesome - until you reach the day when everything seems wrong and useless and worthless and just plain awful, and you have no idea where you are headed in life, except the supposed direction is all covered up in mist and seems to lead down instead of up. And there you are, trying to tell yourself that it's okay, it's okay - tomorrow will be better.
Well, excuse me miss happy pants, but you've been living your life so in-the-moment that you haven't really paid any attention to your future. And now it's biting you in the ass.

Well, maybe not that dramatically.

But I have a natural tendency to worry about things before they happen so I'm prepared in case something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, I'm fully capable of saying I jinxed it for myself. Then I naturally have the right to willow in self pity and fear of the world. Yay.

I promise I'm not this dramatic and whiny all the time. I've been fairly happy for a few weeks and now this hit me.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Or what to study after I get out of this school.
Or what to eat tomorrow.

I like this song, you should totally listen to it.

So many things in this world

2010-12-11T15:29:00.000+02:00

If there's one thing I hate in this world it's cigarettes. I hate how people dump their cigarettes on the ground and act like it's okay, I hate it when people try to justify their smoking with obscure reasons, I hate the smell.
This doesn't mean I dislike a person who smokes. Most of my friends smoke. I think I've heard every single justification they've tried to offer me as why do they smoke and - sorry - I don't buy a single one of them.

I swear to God that if it were up to me, I'd take down the whole cigarette industry and tear every last cancer stick to pieces.
/rant.

Okay, but to different matters now.

You know those days when you look at the mirror and go "no"? Those days when you feel kind of icky, hair doesn't do what you want it to do, make up looks wrong and every single piece of clothing you own just makes you want to cry?
~~I call those Mondays~~ Actually I don't but this was one of those days... And then I decided I just won't have it.
I'm not going to spend my day sulking and being upset.

And it worked! I'm amazed.

So now I'm sitting in front of my computer, fresh out of a shower I took to wash the murkiness away. My hair smells nice, I'm wearing the most comfortable clothes I could get my hands on (this combo is hideous. Trust me.) and my apartment is starting to smell like pumpkin spice because of this wonderful little candle I'm burning.

I was supposed to go out and do some serious Christmas shopping today but decided against it, mostly because the tundrapocalypse is still having a party of its own. I don't mind it mostly.

I slept a good eight hours last night and I've been sleeping fairly well lately anyway, but gosh darn it, I'm freaking tired. I can't help it. I'm fighting the urge to take a nap right now, too. (Mainly because my hair is still wet and I don't want it to dry in a weird way)

Now I think I'm going to play mahjong until my hair is dry and then maybe eat something.

Nice things and why they don't fit with me

2010-11-30T20:07:00.000+02:00

Dear friends, let me tell you a story about a stupid little girl who played with a half eaten apple, trying to see if the dog would appreciate it (the other one did, the other one started sneezing).
Here's a picture of what happened to this little girl (aka me) after she decided she just HAD to touch her eye just a bit before she could wash her hands after touching the apple:

Fear the red eyed monster! Yarrr!

Lesson: Don't play with things you're allergic to. Really. My eyes hurt like a b*tch after the incident.
Although it was funny as soon as they stopped itching. Which was like next morning. Anyway.

If you live in Finland, you've noticed the tundrapocalypse has started. I swear it is colder outside than inside a regular freezer. Yes, I'm not kidding. I still find it funny that people freak out every year when it's starts snowing because obviously it never ever snows in Finland.
I don't mind the snow. I just can't stand the coldness.
Or the freezing wind. If it was a person no one would love it.
Just so you know.

No my darling, don't leave me!!

2010-11-25T23:17:00.000+02:00

My PC is acting up (No, I don't need 'should have mac ;3' crap, I don't have a mac, I have a PC >:I ) and it makes me quite sad. ;____________; Please my darling Arthur (yes, that's the name of my laptop), work!!
The DVD player is acting up and making a horrible noise that scares me to death so now I'm just.. not using it.

I wanted to watch Sherlock Holmes tonight but no can do.

I feel like renewing my image, and by image I mean my wardrobe. I love all things secretary-ish, like high waist skirts, white blouses, simple pearls and oh-so-snazzy high heels. I wanted to make a picture of the sort of clothes I would love to get right now but I'm too lazy to google individual pieces of clothing and paste them on photoshop and I can't remember a single site that would help me do that. I can't even remember what it's called. Ooooops me.
I can't even wear high heels on a daily basis (and who can?) but I just love how they make me taller and more "complete". I have a long back which - unfortunately - makes my legs seem short and stubby, so high heels perfectly proportionate my body.

Also, two random snaps I've taken with my phone. I have a habit of writing on my skin. One day I will probably get an ink poisoning.

I'm sorry this post doesn't really make sense. I just felt like babbling.

The very best insults I get from old cartoons.

2010-11-18T15:22:00.000+02:00

Oh dear Lord. It's raining in snow form (No, it is NOT snowing, snow is nice and pretty and powdery), huge flakes that melt and transform magically into the wettest form of water as soon as they touch you, this monstrous form of so called snow makes you drip water from every corner and place possible.

I was completely prepared for winter - I had my furry boots, winter coat and the faux-fur-thing warming up my neck and I was all dolled up... noot so much. When I left school to head home, the water went through my boots and I was basically just running to get home as soon as possible. I swear I was this close to tears when I finally stepped inside of my apartment.
Now I'm all warm and fuzzy again so I feel a lot better.

Over the weekend I saw some friends at Tsukicon and at times felt a little left out but probably for understandable reasons. I had fun nevertheless.

I've been reliving the best of my childhood by watching Moomins online. I just really love them... and after all, I first learned to speak by watching them. According to my mom I was always talking in a
very polite manner because of it.

Oh! And I saw the seventh Harry Potter (1st part) yesterday, and excuse my fan-girlism, but how am I supposed to make it all the way to _July_ before I get to see the second part? Cruel. Very cruel.

Solely because of daydreaming

2010-11-07T22:45:00.000+02:00

Currently I'm spending a little too much time inside my head rather than outside of it, which creates practical problems, such as the following:

1. I'm getting a little stressed. My stress is mainly caused by my unrealistic expectations for myself that I do not tend to follow, but also outside forces, like other people (men, krhm krhm), news and missing people who live on the other side of the Atlantic.
My stress shows mainly on my skin condition, which has worsened radically and which then, in turn, creates tiny little problems with my self esteem and stuff. I'm now planning to go without foundation and powder for the next five days, even though it hurts me to do so. But it just happens that I've used too much makeup and something needs to chaaange.

2. My apartment is a complete mess. I mean it, it's awful. I have half of my closet on my bed and the rest scattered everywhere. I also have makeup laying around and other stuff elsewhere. But obviously I find everything the minute I need it (except I don't have a clue where my iron supplement pills are, and therefore have not taken them in a week. Whooooops.)

3. I sigh awfully lot realizing I'm not making out with Ed Westwick, which I have done in my dreams sooo maanyy tiiiimes. Truth hurts, doesn't it?

Okay. Since I haven't decided to turn this blog into an exclusive whiny blog about everything that annoys me (trust me, the list is looooooong.), let's try something positive!

First, I've mainly listened to classical music for the last two weeks. Why's that, you ask? Because it's freaking awesome and kicks ass. That's right. Some Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky or Prokofiev (I wonder why all my three favorite composers are Russian. Hmmmmm.) are guaranteed to kick start my day and make it so much more awesome.

And second, while waiting for the tram to get home today, I had a nice conversation with a complete stranger who made me smile with the cheesy line of "what was I talking about? Your smile got me a little distracted."
That's why I love smiling, because it makes other people feel good. And I think I doublesmiled after that comment.

For the comical value, let's try a random picture of me:

I think I'm ready to try my luck and see if I could see mr.Westwick in my dream tonight.

Why sure, scream some more.

2010-11-04T21:33:00.002+02:00

Saw Evanna Lynch and Matthew Lewis today (Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom, if names didn't ring a bell) in some sort of a fan meeting I guess, where they were greeting people two weeks prior to the newest HP movie coming out. Now, I am a fan of the whole Harry Potter - scheme but not to the point of screaming and acting like a fan girl. Actually I found myself to be a bit annoyed by people screaming around me, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

The point in this chapter was that Evanna Lynch has been one of my celebrity girl crushes - or should I say, people whose looks I absolutely adore and whom I find gorgeous - for a fairly long time, so it isn't really that absurd that after seeing her in her now red hair, I had to fight off an urge to dye my own hair reddish. That's a path I'm not willing to return to, because I do remember how annoying it was trying to keep the color nice and how impossible it was to get rid of the goshdarn red tint in my hair for six months after I dyed it off.

Also I experienced a tiny moment of leg jealousness.

(Matthew Lewis was extremely funny, the kind of person you know you want to get to know just because you know they'd make you laugh and smile so often, you know! And NOT because you'd "get to go to all the cool parties and fly around", like some girl beside me told her friend before the event. )

(And yes, the row of "you know"s was intentional.)

I still can't find my motivation, but as my mom told me, I only have three months of school left (and a few exams in March), so this bid I can do even if I had to stand on my head the whole time.

Maybe not, but you get the point.

I feel like I want to compose a list of girl celebrities I'm jealous of but maybe I'll do that another time.

Then I could make another list of guys I'd like to ~~bang~~ marry. Erhm.

Random babble.

2010-11-01T19:05:00.001+02:00

I need a recorder to carry around, or a little machine that can translate my brainwaves aka thoughts in written form. Then I could patent the thing and become a multibillionaire for making it even easier for everyone to write their thoughts. Also, I'd have a ton more entries.

I get my most random thoughts (usually the most brilliant ones, too) in the middle of a sentence, in class, in the middle of the night while almost falling asleep and every time I pass that one specific spot in Helsinki (now I'm actually just making it up) but never, ever do I come across a good topic or an interesting subject when I get to Blogger.

But I decided to start a project. It's called "don't give up on every single thing in your life", and it starts today: I'm going to draw something every freaking day.
I go to secondary school of visual arts and I've hardly touched my pencils with the idea of drawing something this year. It's a little pathetic, don't you think?
And so I drew a sketch of my purse on my table whilst not paying attention in class. The picture turned out horrible and I can't remember what the teacher talked about while I was minding my business.
Maybe it'll get better. That's the price you pay!

I also decided to dress up nicely and look nice every day, but that hasn't turned out so great either as I felt too tired to care about my looks today and thus ended up roaming around like a corpse. Bleh. Then again I might be over exaggerating, you know, just a little bit. Teensy weeensy little bit. This little.

No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake

2010-10-25T20:04:00.001+03:00

I found the motivation thief but it didn't have my motivation anymore. It also explained a lot of other things I've been experiencing for a while but paid no attention to:

no appetite
feeling more fatigue than usual
hardness to concentrate
dizziness
general sleepiness, etc.

Guessed it already? Yeah, iron deficiency anemia. Ah. Now I'll be popping some serious vitamin c and iron supplements. Apparently it also causes tinnitus, which makes me happy, cause it might mean that I after all have not listened to music too loud (Take that, dad!). We'll see!

I've been listening to a lot of 30 Seconds To Mars lately. It's one of those bands that I either can't stand or absolutely love, depending on my mood. And even when I'm in absolutely love them mode, they seem kind of emo-ish. Maybe I can handle that.

My adventures today included a trip to the library (have I ever said I love libraries but I rarely go to them? Well, I love libraries. I want to read everything.) where I got some stuff for my Finnish literature/language class... and then I already read it. Oh well!
I also broke my tradition of not buying clothes in a million years and found some really nice bargains. Have I ever told you guys I love bargains? Well, I lo-... wait, I think you already know how this one goes.

The nasty thing about spending money is the fact that you lose it when you spend it. Isn't that sad? Even though ~~all~~ most of what I bought was absolutely essential to my well-being (okay well maybe I didn't need another skirt but it was pretty and cheap, give me a break now.....) my soul still cries a bit on the inside of my suddenly not so full bank-account.
Fortunately I am pretty good at denying things from myself so I rarely have to regret what I've bought. Now I'm just a teensy weensy bit bitter that I had to leave a nice fall/winter coat in the store but I already have a nice coat... or that's what I'm going to tell myself.

I have a lot of pictures of my daily life on my sometimes-working-phone but I'm too lazy to upload them on my computer. Another unfortunate thing in my life.

Also, I've come to realize some of my texts might seem whiny and my attitude towards life fairly negative but I assure you, this is not the case. You just have to imagine me saying most of these whiny things in a bit sarcastic/amused tone, and if you're not used to sarcasm being used in a text.. well, here's a great way to learn!

PS. I added readers & blogloving gadgets cause I'm so vain ;3 Only took me like two years, too.

Cursing, crying and drawn out fights

2010-10-21T21:11:00.000+03:00

Lost: My motivation
Last seen: Beginning of September, maybe?
Hints and sightings, please inform me ! I'm deeply missing my motivation.
Also, living without it makes life a hell lot more dull.
A reward to one(s) bringing it back to me or getting me a new one!

How is it even possible that I feel like I'm busy and bored by the same things and at the same time? It's the middle of October already. Whoosh.

I'm trying to remark the positive aspects of my life more. For example, friends I can laugh with. Sometimes who I can laugh at, too. I've also rediscovered long lost loves in the music area, like this:

and this:

(I realize the links are all crooked and don't really fit the frame but heyyy, the music is the important part, not the video :3)

Also, I'm cravingggg for new things to listen to. I have a broad taste in music so any hints are warmly welcomed ♥

My girl

2010-10-12T11:31:00.001+03:00

Last few days have passed while listening to ~~bad~~ good music (I always listen to good music :3), seeing friends, laughing at stupid things and dancing to a song called v.i.u (one more way of Korean boybands mocking the fact that I have no one who calls me their baby) and sleeping at random times.

And now I'm going to list a few things that annoy me! Yay for lists.

#1: My hair.
I've been dreaming of long hair for a few years now but I'm not too patient with it. My unfortunate adventures as blonde going brunette going blonde again killed half of my already scarred ends and forced me to cut my hair shorter. This happened again half a year later when I realized that I haven't cut my hair in forever and found countless split ends and other horrifying deformed mutations of hair. Also I thought it would be a great idea to cut my bangs back, considering I almost never wear bangs anyway. Great job, me, great job. My solution to the problem has been don't kill hair. It's starting to work slowly. Too slowly.
Grow, hair, grow!
Also, another issue I have with my hair is that I can't do anything to it (I mean curls, fancy hairdos and all that stuff). Here's what I worked closer to 40 minutes on:

Guess what happened as soon as I got to the city?
My hair was straight as raw spaghetti.

#2: My phone.
Most of my friends with Nokia's have been complaining how crappy they are and how they're not working properly. Thus far I've been able to avoid the situation and I've been prancing around in a happy go lucky - state, chanting "My phone has been working GREAT! I love my phone! ^___________________^ Cotton candy and other cute stuff!"
If only I could still do that. First I noticed that the front camera I never use anyway doesn't work because the lense has fallen from its place (I know.). This didn't bother me at all cause I never even use the stupid thing anyway.... Except for the fact that now the other lense refuses to work properly and I can't use the video record thingie anymore.
ANGER. FRUSTRATION. I WANT TO THROW THE STUPID THING TO THE GROUND TO MAKE IT WORK. I know that I mainly need my phone to be able to text and call but if you give me a fancy phone with functions like video recording, I MIGHT AS WELL WANT TO USE IT.
>:I

#3: The weather.
It's horrid. Windy, Cold as hell (Gosh I love oxymorons) and it get's dark before midnight. This does not fly with me.

#4: I have no idea what I'm going to do after high school.

#5: ADSLFKJGAJh.

Thank you.

Pay attention, I'm important.

2010-10-05T16:24:00.003+03:00

You remember how I claimed this blog to be a completely boring, normal blog? Yeah, forget I ever said that, apparently I didn't bother enough to find out what a "normal" blog is... Or if that's the word to describe half the blogs I've stumbled onto today, with everyone being sure their top and leggins - combinations are a definite eye catcher and a sure way to be nominated as "the fashion queen."

I might have overexaggerated, but just a little. I am officially a bit horrified by youth (cause obviously I'm more of a dusty, ancient not-even-20-yet relic, you know) but hopefully I've just seen some of the worst victims of today's "my blog will make me famous, I KNOW everyone wants to know how much my socks cost :)" - philosophy.

Or then I might be a bit angry that I might've done a bit worse in my english exam than I was expecting to do. Keeping my fingers crossed however.

Besides this morning I actually told dad everything's fine and nice at the moment. Ha ha, destiny. Very funny to bite my ankles when I make the mistake of declaring you my love.

Also, I stumbled across a few blogs that had travel entries of the writes visiting places such as Paris and London and taking the traditional London Eye - pictures and snapshots of the Eiffel tower, and I decided that when I'm finally getting my ass up from my comfy bed and visit either one of those places, I want NOTHING of the "must see" tourist attractions. Or well, maybe one or two at tops (Eiffel tower =♥) but that's it.

I'm having a terrible urge to spend a lot of money on things I don't really need right now. Or ever. Gosh.

P.S. You should definitely read this blog (if you aren't already, PS THERE'S A LINK, I'm not trying to make you read mine again) 'cause it's awesome and I'm telling you to do so.

Forced to admit they are wrong

2010-10-01T22:37:00.000+03:00

My hair smells like someone would have been smoking in my general company, even though I think the last time such a thing has happened was ages ago, and otherwise my skin smells like this lovely new celebrity fragrance some lovely young lady pushed into my hand when I was walking about today. I think I might be forced to buy such a thing, it really does smell delicious.

I forgot my camera at my parents' and now I feel orphaned. Also, I am extremely tired but unwilling to start sleeping.

Tonight I had a really good moment. It included two of my favorite girls and laughing at ~~stupid~~ awesome stuff such as the literal trailer of assassin's creed - game (we know it by heart now). I had the feeling of belonging somewhere. You know how much I've longed for such a feeling?

Also, I probably should start filling these posts with random cute pictures cause even I get bored of reading my stuff.

The word of the day is hyperbole. I quite love it.

Don't know what to say

2010-09-24T21:28:00.000+03:00

You know the feeling when you justify the lack of something in your life by saying "I have things to focus on and I don't need these other things because they would only lead me astray"?
you know the feeling when you prepare for something big and basically plan your daily life around it?
Then suddenly it's over. Done. Gone. And you feel relieved... for a while.
After a while, it just starts feeling empty.
And the bunch of shit that piled up earlier just crashes because you don't have to push them off your mind anymore. Currently my mind is quite the hurricane.

I bribed myself for being such a good sport about the matriculation exams. I bought some makeup so I can feel really pretty every once in a while.

I'm completely bummed about my (lack of) love life these days. I saw four good looking guys today (really, really good) and became a bit more bummed out. Oh welll, maybe there's time. And I don't mean I can't enjoy being single. I just get a teensy weensy bit jealous when I see cute couples walking hand in hand.
And I get a little bit sad when I look outside and realize it's the perfect weather to cuddle with a cup of hot chocolate and then realize I have no one to cuddle with.
And when I see the cutest watch ever and my friend says it's the kind of watch you get with a boyfriend so they match, or the kind that the guy gets you for a present. That's when I'm a bit sad I don't have a boyfriend.

And it's not like my check list for a guy is TOO impossible!
I mean, I'd like the guy to

catch my attention (aka please be pretty and dress nice)
have confidence in yourself every once in a while. Being shy is cute but there is a limit.
have a little bit of romantic in them (I'm not asking for serenades, I'd just like to walk hand in hand in public and I don't know, get a flower every once in a while. Or chocolate if I'm craving for it)
have a little attitude (not "I'll break your face/ your mom's face/ the wall/ everything because I'm so freaking bad ass" but like... not give in to EVERYTHING. And maybe make me blush sometimes.)
wanting to go somewhere in life and be prepared to work for it (not "I don't need edumacation, I'm going to be a rock star and really famous". For real.)

That's not too much to ask, is it? It is?
FML, I'm going to end up staying single for the rest of my life.

Also, I'm starting to wonder if I actually get crazy around full moon.

Mock Abduction

2010-09-20T13:31:00.000+03:00

So I survived the dentist's appointment with "...well there's nothing here, everything's fine" - line (thank you, thank you) and I even survived the weekend without getting sick, even though mom did cough in my general direction awfully lot. I also survived today's english matriculation examination, I think. It was quite the challenge, all the texts were from magazines such as Time etc., so the level of vocabulary... well, I think it's safe to say you don't need to use words such as dubious and coup in your everyday language. Gosh darn petty details.

Grimmer news, my grandfather died last night and it hasn't really hit me yet.

Me and my magic pony

2010-09-14T21:06:00.000+03:00

This week has had a lot in it, and it's only Tuesday. It has included sitting alone in a coffee house with a hot chocolate and a bunch of school books, me being busy trying to absorb everything there is to absorb about Swedish, walking around the city with a friend, discussing the looks (or rather, the lack of looks) people wear, dining sushi, laughing with people rather than at people, smiling at strangers smiling at me, hugs and thoughts of all the wonderful things I would buy if I had enormous amounts of money.
This week has also included me stressing about my matriculation examination, turning and shifting uncomfortably and tired in my bed without being able to fall asleep, stress, anxiety about certain aspects of my love life (what love life?), feeling myself ineligible and repulsive and worrying if I'll ever be enough.

And this week is - or well, the couple of next days are - going to be hectic anyhow, highlight being my dentist's appointment on Thursday. Oh, the horror. Oh, the terror. Maybe I'll survive. If I didn't, you'll know why I died.

Also, my sense of feeling empathy on behalf of total strangers is overwhelming me lately. Was it being pisces or just being me, whatever it is, sometimes it's really hard to handle.
Sometimes I wish I were a cold bitch. But that's only sometimes. Most of the time I don't mind being over emotional. I guess.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, baby, you & me

2010-09-10T21:17:00.004+03:00

I have a bad habit of either doing something too much or too little.

I've been slacking on exercising lately so today I worked out my corset muscles and arms while watching cutesy videos of Billy Boyd talking on his GODLY accent of Scotland, Orlando Bloom giving a kiss to Viggo Mortensen's cheek and generally just all things squeal, including one of my hugest celebrity crushes. You can guess who he is (and no, I didn't mention his name on this blog entry).

Anyway, I was talking about overdoing. My arms are shaking and my abdominals are undergoing some serious pain caused by my sudden use of them.

From subject B to subject Herpetology, I have to go to school tomorrow and it's freaking Saturday but what do you do.

Also, never go to bed without combing out your hair unless you're trying to grow dreads. Last night, all I did was go straight to bed without combing my TEASED UP PUFFY BUN hairdo, and oh my Dude, did I (mentally) scream in agony of my hair the next day. I was literally pleading and begging my hair to forgive me for my ruthless abandonment. I practically drained it conditioner and aftercare products just now, all while whining "I'm so sorry baby don't hate meeeeeee ;;__;;"

Yeah. So how was your day?

March of the ZZZ-letters

2010-09-07T19:40:00.002+03:00

For a reason unknown the streets of Helsinki have been filled with gorgeous and unbelievably cute guys lately. Either they just appeared from somewhere, all at the same time, or my eyes have magically opened to see at least one a day (I used to complain there are none here. Shhhhhhhh I know I'm picky and have really weird beauty standards), but whatever the reason it makes me happy.

And kinda sad. I don't have the courage and self confidence to strike up a random conversation with a (handsome) stranger, so usually the situation just makes me kind of get whiny on the inside. Like I'm looking at them with eyes pouring hearts and lower lip threatening to fall off and hit the ground (which of course is not obvious looking itself, me going (~3~) like this) and after they pass I spare a moment or two mentally writing epilogues of me dying alone.

But also happy, of course. I mean I love looking at good looking people. Hehe.

The autumn has arrived. How do I know? Oh let me count thee the ways... No. But I'll tell some anyway.

First, the wasps have become freaking insane. They're buzzing EVERYWHERE to make sure they scare me off throughly before dying off. (Mind you, wasps are possibly the two or three most scariest thing I' have in my life.)

Second, I'm freaking tired, and all the time. My mental clock is starting to prepare me for a freaking hibernation.

And third (I have more ways but I'm keeping it simple), it's September. Duh.

I just woke up from my one hour nap a while ago, and I'm feeling really dizzy. I was supposed to do a freaklotmuch of Swedish tonight, but I think I'm just going to go get in my pajamas and doze off again.

Nothing to do, nothing to say

2010-09-05T15:54:00.002+03:00

Hey, guess what! My pictureblog is dead cause I'm a lazy son of the beach and I'm way too busy spacing out laying on my bed to do anything about it.

This is why I think it is time for me to RENOVATE my current situation with le blog and this is what I've decided (I'm sure you all who bothered to check my blog are atleast pretending to be excited)

Slow Currents is going to be A RIDICULOUSLY BORING NORMAL BLOG! Yay!

And I don't mean normal blog as in "hey I bought this shirt from H&M and this mascara yesterday, and I think my style is very fashionable and you should all praise me as a GOD" - blog, but as in a blog perfect for anyone who wants to know what was the very first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning (for the record, I can't even remember such thought myself). That was actually a lie, too.

This is a perfect blog for me to record my crazy dreams, thoughts about lipbalm and sometimes whine why my perfect future husband hasn't found me yet when I'm sitting in front of my computer all day. What joy. I think I might even use pictures sometimes, if I feel adventurous!

So I am NOT going to tell you everything I've bought and how good discounts I've gotten (I am a bargain hunter but really.)

Trust me, I had the LONGEST time contemplating what the hell to do with this thing. I kind of like blogger, not willing to go back to LiveJournal anymore (oh yea, I had those days), totally too lazy to make a new blog/tumblr/twitter or whatever, and SC is laying here as a half dead carcass that's really not pleasing to anyone's eye.

And you know, sometimes I just really get these huge urges to pour my heart out somewhere (maybe I should just get a diary and spare you all the angst) but then I stop because, Oh, I don't want to tell strangers what I think about the Universe, religion or money. Or what mascara I used the morning before. Or how no one loves me.

So, here we go!

Where did this come from?

2010-08-03T20:59:00.001+03:00

I really don't know when someone came up with the idea of "owning the day" ever to contradict it or to blame a bad day on the day not being someone's, but today certainly has not been my day.

I'll spare the details because they are not that important and you probably wouldn't care and if I listed them they probably wouldn't seem like problems at all, but you know, I have my right to feel

absolutely worthless and miserable every once in a while.

It's really the kind of moment where I would just love to curl up in a ball and cry for mommy. Too bad she's in Estonia right now, and I'm a big girl, and I'm not supposed to let things get to me.

And this whole evening being bad didn't even compile of everything just crashing at once, I promise. It started with little things adding to other little things and causing some things to not happen and others to happen in a wrong amount of time.

I feel like a loser tonight, hope it won't last for too long.

I'm automatic

2010-07-29T12:30:00.001+03:00

I feel weird. Kind of out of place. Out of place is a good way to describe it.

You know the feeling of suddenly being reminded of someone who at one point of time was very dear to you, so dear that you never actually just realized HOW dear (because you never actually had an official thing), but who you really aren't in contact anymore and who

is not a part of your life anymore? Say you're walking to your room at 23:02, your mind does the shuffle thing of going through several things at once and BAM. All of a sudden you miss someone so much you could cry or yell.

Deal with that, then.

Lately I can't listen to music so loud. Partly because there are others living here too, and I don't want to be considered the rude neighbor, but also because every time I turn the volume up, it starts hurting my ears and I have to tone it down. I used to love blasting my music up the roof, so to speak.

The smoke coming from Russia is making the air a bit foggy but I'm not staring too much out of my windows right now so it's not an issue. I don't actually even know why I told you that. The picture isn't related to it tho, that's above clouds and fog.

Still, out of place. Maybe it's just one of those months.

... Yeah. hi.

2010-07-26T22:44:00.005+03:00

Want to know a secret? The internet is too open for me to be private and honest.

It's true. I create all these different accounts to different medias to bare a piece of my soul to a stranger and then I realize I don't want strangers to know me. I also allure myself to believe I'm only doing so to express myself and to have a healthy outlet for the things I feel, but heeeck. I don't want you to know everything. If I'm only doing this for myself, anyway, am I not free to write whenever I feel to do so?

Then at times I feel like I need to say things to SOMEONE and so I create mr./ms. Smith who appreciates my thoughts and my views on life and isn't too upset I only update about once in two months and things 'tis a nice way to spend five minutes while drinking green tea with honey.

Or something like that.

Yeah, all these account for lazy excuses of too bored and tired to write or update this since the beginning of May. Oooopsay :3

So what did I do during the few months? Meh, nothing much. Visited friends and family in Missouri (soaking hot, I'm telling you) and created movie stories inside my head.

I also shared things with my relatives (which I later regretted a bit, I'm not sure if I want them to know too much about me either), brought soda-flavored lipsmackers to some of

my friends and ran conversations in my head (most of them ended up with me either being upset or laughing at my stupidity.)

I've also lately wished I'd have a secret twin, once again, one who'd want to share everything with me and who'd stay up all night with me, talking about random stuff.

But everyone has their secret twin already, or if they don't, they seem to be content with the fact and leave it be.

On top of that I've been imagining and visualizing my dream man. Needless to say, not the most realistic thing (Ed Westwick, be mine?) but I have fun with it anyway. I mean I'm

sure I'm not the only one in this world who wishes they'd have some underground movie d'awwww-scenes in life, every once in a while. Not too often, obviously.

I've spent way too much money and I NEED new good music. I'd also like a new, bigger iPod, but since my old one is working fine I'm not willing to spend anymore (of someone else's) money to get a new version. I'll just bite my tongue and enjoy little things in life. Like soap bubbles, cute rings and shimmering eyeshadows.

And shoes. Definitely shoes.

I only have one picture I'd like to show you right now, but I hope you like fireworks. I sure don't.

April in pictures

2010-05-10T20:48:00.006+03:00

There's something extremely beautiful and calming about the lights of the amusement park I can see from my window. It's 20:49 / 8:49pm and it's not even close to dark yet so they do look kind of funny but that's not the point. No matter how much I dislike the general idea of amusement parks (pay yourself to death to wait hours for three minute rides and buy expencive goodies from their local stores while you're at it) I do find seeing it from a distance soothing. And I for one have always loved cotton candy you can buy there.

I've also had a lot of social life lately, which I find very nice. People actually call me these days! They want to see me! I also get a lot of hugs, kisses and all that sort of cute stuff from my friends, do you have any idea how happy that makes me?

I'm addicted to a drug called life mixed with love and caring. If I weren't, I'd probably hook myself up with drugs or alcohol, but to be honest I prefer it this way. Smiles come easily.

Obviously there's a turnside to the coin. I've been extremely tired lately and most of my school days go by with me sitting in the hallways looking at other people and blasting music through my headphones, thus growing bored of nearly everything I have on my iPod. A shame.

My sister's a dork. I love her. :3

I've had a lot of good, deep talks with some of my friends and my mom lately. It's all very nice. Now I just need to find a good, deep direction for my life to go to. I still have time, I hope.

Did you guys know I love SayCet? Well, now you do.

Oh and need I remind you, the photos are all mine.

dear people of the world

2010-05-04T22:40:00.000+03:00

I love this song.

Another lesson in love

2010-04-28T11:04:00.002+03:00

Oops, another month break. I've heard a few comments about this, sorry.
I do have stuff I want to talk about but everytime I have the feeling I wish I could update this, I'm either in class or in the midst of doing something else. Everytime I sit infront of my computer I completely forget about everything I was supposed to write about and start going through something like weheartit and... well, then I don't update.

I have to be on my way to school in a minute or so, but I thought I'd write this here and continue it later (tomorrow or maybe friday or saturday. Or maybe in a month !)
I'm the worst kind of perfectionist. I say don't care what others think of me (apart from my mom and my closest friends) and I usually don't bother trying to impress people, but man, I get crazy if I feel like I've failed myself. I always think "I can do better than this". My worst enemy is myself... and my unrealistic expectations about myself.
It's a bitch, I tell you. I realize I'm not really even close to fat, but I wish I was thinner; I realize a satisfying grade is not bad, but I wish I had done better - and in the mean time I spend my days absent minded and completely unfocused. I need to fix my focus and relax myself.

On a lighter note, I love life. Toodles ♥

You seem shocked to see me here

2010-03-22T20:13:00.002+02:00

Yesterday I ran across a situation I had never been in before, not once. Actually, two.
First, someone posted my pictures to a thread of "cute girls" or whatever. A friend noted me of this and I had the opportunity to laugh myself nearly to death.... because I found the situation absurd.
Then not even 2 hours later, I was informed someone took my myspace profile info and my pictures and made a fake account.
I'm shocked. Who BOTHERS to make a fake account using my information? I mean really.

Ok, well that's that.
Recently I've rediscovered my love for editing pictures, listening to music, enjoying little moments and all that jazz.
I've been playing around with Photoshop and the result is this.

And I've never had to say this before but please do not copy.

Forever is such a long time

2010-03-20T22:48:00.002+02:00

I haven't done much lately, but I did survive my birthday (yay for 19) and a matriculation examination in geography (I do hope), which left my skin horribly deformed and vandalized.
Well not really, but the stress did cause my skin to break out which has had a huge effect on how I feel about myself. That's because I'm openly shallow and I admit I obsess about my skin.

I have also been thinking I need to stop worrying about things that might happen sometimes and start worrying about the things that are never going to happen if I don't have the guts to make them happen. I should do more crazy stuff spontaneously. Fun crazy. Meet new people. Enjoy little moments. Enjoy life. You know, stuff like that.

I took my camera with me to the city but I didn't take a single picture because I was busy trying to catch up with my social life. I've been more or less a hermit for the last week and a half.

I just noticed every one of these paragraphs start with the letter/word "I".

We looked like giants

2010-03-01T19:26:00.002+02:00

I'm not being productive. I'm lying on my bed, listening to newly found old love (Death Cab for Cutie) and thinking about all the things I should be doing. Instead, I'm traveling across the world and thinking about people I've never met.

I miss you so much, I wish you hadn't just disappeared from my life like that.

Things have got to change.

Settle baby, you are not the Sun

2010-02-28T18:21:00.003+02:00

I just wanted to let you know that even though there are days when the thermometer reaches over zero degrees and it is considerably warm outside, it does not mean you should wear high heeled shoes outside, especially if you're planning to walk a lot. It is not summer yet. The roads are not completely off snow and nasty stuff. And your legs CERTAINLY do not appreciate the effort to look pretty.

I am going to go see Sherlock Holmes for the second time. You're probably not interested in that fact.

BUT ! I hope you do like this picture, it's more than likely from summer 2008 and it has me kissing my little sister.
D'awww she's a precious one, always stealing my clothes and stuff!

Isn't this winter done yet?

2010-02-23T10:49:00.003+02:00

I reached a personal record in sleeping a few days ago. Not much to you, maybe, 11½ hours, but I've never slept for so long without waking up atleast once in between. When I woke up there was a tiny dog trying to snuggle with me and started giving me very nasty kisses with a tongue that's been in places I don't want to know about. (I spent a night at my parents and we have two dogs.)

A portable hard drive is a smart little device! I saved all of my music, pictures and videos in case my laptop decides to die in my arms soon. Almost 40 gigabytes just from my computer. HEH.
I found very very old pictures. In this case, Very very old stands for "4 - 6 year old pictures, from years 2006 and earlier." It almost made me cry from laughing too much at my old self. Did I not own a mirror? Did I not realize I looked absolutely ridiculous? Oh dear me.
Don't worry, I'm going to save your eyes and not show the pictures to you.

I dyed my hair too. It looks like this.

I need to cut down on visiting coffeeshops. I'm using way too much of my non-existent money to buy caramel ice lattes and what not.

Oh and I really want to dance because of this song. Damn you, David Guetta.

Well, I did it.

2010-02-15T19:09:00.003+02:00

Lately I've been feeling blue. Not blue in the emotional sense of feeling down and sand, but blue as in I like the color.

I've also liked not eating healthy, different remixes of Lux Aeternal (I want them all), Alice in Videoland and
this cutest little ring ever my boyfriend got me for Valentine's day. It feels weird to say I have a boyfriend. I've been having crappy luck with relationships for the past decade (Ha, ha) and a bit longer so it takes a bit to get used to. I'm not complaining tho.

I feel like I should take my boo (and now I'm talking about my camera, who always comes FIRST) out and show it a little love because I haven't been taking any actual PHOTOGRAPHS of anything else than my face for a few weeks. How self centered can you get =D

Other things I enjoy lately are good music, good food and cupcakes and sailorhats. I want a sailor hat, they're so cute!

Oh and on a side note I updated my blog's looks, but that's not too important.

Yeah so my hours of sleep for the past three days is 10 hours. Awesome, I know.

2010-02-14T22:05:00.002+02:00

Wow, I guess I do have to update this. Who knew.

... I'll do that tomorrow. Or maybe the day after.

Now I'll just say my valentine's day wasn't that bad. Actually it was - and still is - pretty great.
Did you know I'm happy?

Be running up that road

2010-02-07T00:45:00.002+02:00

I've heard someone say you're famous at the point where people who don't know you and who you don't know talk shit about you. I don't know if it's true, but I do like sandwiches.

It's 1a.m. and I'm supposed to be sleeping but instead I'm waiting for Santtu to finish playing with makemebabies.com so I can go to sleep.
And now that I've seen the result (He said we should adopt instead), I don't think I want to sleep anymore. I'm laughing too much, I'm not sure if I can.

Today I've been listening to Pet Shop Boys, DJ Magnet and woke up too late. Why do I always feel like I've wasted a whole day if I wake up later than 12pm?

I don't have any pictures to share with anyone right now because I'm a lazyass. Yeeaaahh, and this lazyass is going to bed.

Shore is not as good as Williams but he's okay, too

2010-02-05T19:55:00.004+02:00

I let out lies when I least expect it. They surprise me.
They're not to make me look better, either. Usually they're the little kind of lies that end a conversation when I don't want to continue it or when I don't want to talk about something.

I guess everyone does it.

So once again I had a dead period.
Lately, I've been freaked out by vibrating phones, stereos whispering next to me when I'm concentrating on something else, and people trying to jump me.

I've also been a lousy person.

I think I'll try to fix that.
And... I think I should also start to love my camera more. Poor baby must feel himself abandoned. The picture above was not taken by me, though: All thanks to Heikki. I don't know if he wants me to say that though. He's sometimes like that.

And breathe me

2009-12-16T07:40:00.001+02:00

Would you look at that? A month break.

Everyone has those moments in life where life just... doesn't flow.
Well, I have one of those moments right now. I don't find energy in me to live.

Or maybe it's just this morning.

Feel like the wind in her hair

2009-11-26T20:40:00.002+02:00

That's what I came up with for my photography lesson, normal days vs. dreams. Oh, so interesting! Oh, so charming!
Oh, I laughed.

Today I saw a lady talking to herself in the tram I was in. She was making arm movements, turning around to face everyone, sat down to a seat and mumbled with her index finger raised high "Now I remember! I'm a robot.... They made me into a robot... They're making everyone into a robot..."
She wasn't acting violent, she was dressed decent and she wasn't actually talking to anybody and she completely made my day. I couldn't help smiling wide.

I hope you'll figure everything out. I miss you.

perfect day for sleeping

2009-11-18T18:25:00.003+02:00

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so damn moody. I got four hours of sleep because I was stupid and stayed online for wayyy too long (I'm blaming you for company), slept wayyy too little and thought about things wayyy too much.

Results in me staying inside for the rest of the day. The start of my morning was horrible too. I felt horrible, hideous, stupid and absolutely worthless. All of this turned upside down in less than an hour, and then all of a sudden I was happy, bouncy and ready to declare world peace between man and penguins.

You have any idea how freaking awesome it is to take a PINK, delicious smelling, bath during daytime? Let me tell you, it's divine. I smell goooood.

Oh and I feel like I should announce this, Ash Stymest is gorgeous.

Oh and another thing! Why doesn't this ever happen to me?
"Today, I tried #10 of ways to get kicked out of walmart; Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME!" I did this once, and the hot guy that was standing there picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and asked the nearest sales woman how much I was. We have a date tomorrow, thank you walmart. MLIA"

maybe it's them

2009-11-14T00:10:00.004+02:00

Part of the problem is me. Actually I think the root of the problem is me: me and my daydreaming while I'm awake. I've spent two hours doing nothing but listening to music that fits the current situation and imagining things I would have loved to do, would love to do or would do just because.
But I'm not talking about realistic crap, so enough with it. I'm talking about guns, weapons and oh no you won't - lines. Isn't this classy?

I pointed out that the "sonnet" we were reading in Finnish wasn't actually a sonnet at all, it wasn't really following the lines of sonnet. My teacher was confused. "Do you know sonnets?" Well, I just had to study them for a few months so I guess I could say something.

I cleaned my room today, and I still feel like I'm getting sick. I'm having issues on multiple continents, which isn't really any good. I can't deal with any of it, I just push it down and hope it goes away by itself. I rarely deal with problems...
I love how I multiply them by discussing them with myself. Then I go to LJsecrets and realize I have nothing compared to these people.

Except I would love to write notes and leave them in librarybooks.

any moment, any day now

2009-11-11T17:17:00.003+02:00

Today I had a class visitation to an advertisement company. There were thirteen of us students and the first thing we heard was "awee would you look at these little ones, WHAT are these? Geez, they keep multiplying!"
It made a few of the other students annoyed but just made me laugh. Sure, go ahead and call me a kid when you're thirty something. In reality you're just jealous.

You know something else freaking cool? The cutest salesperson ever still remembers me. I SAW his expression change from the normal "you want to buy this stuff from me because I'm effin hot, I know it" smirk he has on to this cutest ever recognition. After talking for a while I continued my mindless wandering with a smile on my face. I can't help it, he's too cute. I don't even know his name.

Now I'm going to be classy and stay on computer for the whole night.

she whispers something forgotten

2009-11-08T18:37:00.002+02:00

Can I not control myself? Can I not get a hold of my myself? I need a remote control designed to take care of stuff that goes on in my mind: love now, volume up, mute, and turn off.

Why don't I have a TURN OFF - button for my feelings?

I have this habit of building up images in my head and only a little friction is needed for the whole thing to break down. I'm stupid enough to forget that I have to actually survive in the reality, other than just my dreams.

Oh well, some people never learn.

Flowers in the dead night

2009-11-07T00:39:00.003+02:00

You know, EH EH, I'm not really too active with this, am I now. I actually thought I could try again, for the forty-thousand-seventieth time or something like that. I need something steady and stable with my life, maybe this could be it.

SIKE, I'm going to be dead for another month, I bet you.

I saw a dream last night that carried on for hours, I bet. It started out as me running away to meet my lover - strange enough I can't remember who he was or what he looked like - and ended up in a place that looked remarkably like a big ice-skating hall / arena. You know the big ugly boxes that have a ring inside?
Well when I got there I discovered that someone had stolen my baby - because I apparently had a baby - and the person stealing my precious offspring was the mother of my lover.

Why do I feel like even my dreams think I'm a fucktard?

Anyway, After serious weird Tarzan - bungee jumps I ended up getting her in a corner, demanding my baby back. She started screaming that someone had stolen HER baby, which to say would have been my lover's little brother or sister, and of course I volunteered to search her baby.

Somehow I ended up in a giant swimming pool and started to look for my friends. I found a SHARK, who said he lost the baby I was looking for in a gamble. A mafia mob was putting her up for sale in a baby business.

.. What?

Well I had to do something, right? After asking around for what felt like a second I discovered that in the swimming pool there was a secret area you could only access with two cards: nine of kettles and seven of diamonds. When you settle these two cards in the exactly right place, a secret door will open and let you in.
In we go, and I ended up in a casino that was giving out stolen babies as prizes. I got questioned for my ID but surprisingly enough I only had to say "I'll deal with you later" and the security guards let me wonder about.

When I woke up, I felt extremely confused.

My earlier dream from a few nights passed was even better! It was like a movie. A gay guy kissed me multiple times, and I had to assure him he was gay and he was not supposed to kiss me (to which he answered yeah, I know, but I just had to try it) and after a whole set of people trying to keep me in a movie I told them they need to make it more FRENCH.

I seriously don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

I don't have any pictures right now, because I'm too lazy to photoshop them. Maybe you'll survive.

all the things she said

2009-08-09T01:23:00.003+03:00

Really, really I'm not dead, and really this blog isn't dead either. Slow currents serves to me as a sanctuary, I run here when I have nowhere else to go (nowhere else to write) and since Livejournal is down, there's no one online I want to talk to, Mel just left and I don't feel like writing anyplace else I'm here...

But there are problems to this, too. I can't be honest with internet because it's not honest with me; I can't share my secrets with a PUBLIC BLOG when there are people reading it I wish did not.

Other than that I'm fine.

chandeliers on giraffes and rhinos on drugs

2009-05-17T19:57:00.004+03:00

I think I might have to change the layout and colors of my blog. It's too heavy, too dark and too much of something that I don't want it to be.

I was at the zoo. It's like an animal prison, but I like seeing pretty things from up close.

reverse

2009-05-10T07:06:00.001+03:00

I don't know who I am, but I'm determined to find out. I want to know what I am made of and what I am capable of.

Another start

2009-05-03T17:45:00.003+03:00

I decided to start again. In English. This blog was nearly dead, I'm lazy with everything, I know.

It's still all pictures, but maybe not as.... "artsy" and fancy. And more me, probably, since I tend to get bored easily and start shooting myself.

globes

2009-03-23T23:18:00.004+02:00

No hyvää päivää, eihän tässä ole mennyt kuin semmoinen kuukausi viimeisestä päivityksestä. Mikä vielä kertoo minusta jotain, hihi.

Tässä viikko sitten käytiin St. Louisissa parin muun vaihto-oppilaan kanssa pyörimässä. Mulla olisi ollut tarkoitus laittaa tänne mun valokuvauskurssin low key / all black - kuvia, mutta unohdin ettei mulla ole niitä kuvia kotikoneella vielä : (

hiljaa aika kulkee, eikun ei sittenkään

2009-03-02T04:08:00.002+02:00

Typerää. Typerää, typerää, typerää. Liikaa ajatuksia ja ei mitään tai ketään kenelle purkaa niitä ja mua ärsyttää, mua ärsyttää että mua ärsyttää vaikka mua ei pitäisi ärsyttää koska sinällään ei ole mitään mistä ärsyyntyä, ei enää nyt kun Emily kertoi miksi se ei vienyt mua shoppailemaan (se oli ostamassa mulle synttärilahjaa eikä se siksi voinut) ja äh.

Tälläkin tullut vähän hidas alku, mutta sille ei voi mitään. Tänään otin kuvia crossroadsin drama-ryhmästä ja pitää katsoa jaksanko laittaa niitä jonnekin jossain vaiheessa koska niistä tuli aika hienoja.

Mä en ole syönyt sushia seitsemään kuukauteen, mulla on ikävä ruisleipää salmiakkia ja terveellistä kouluruokaa (tätä en uskonut sanovani), jokainen päivä koulussa on vähän turhauttava kun on nälkä ja koulun ruokalasta ei saa mitään terveellistä, eikä mulla aamuisin ole aikaa tehdä kunnon eväitä.

omakuvia

2009-02-15T01:57:00.002+02:00

Yksi juttu mistä en tykkää tän bloggerin kanssa toistaiseksi on se että se haluaa laittaa kuvat ensimmäisenä ja tekstin vasta sen jälkeen. Ehkä mä vielä ylitän sen fiksuudessa ja keksin miten selitän ennenkuin kuvitan.
Joka tapauksessa, meillä oli valokuvauksessa sellainen tehtävä kuin omakuva, jossa itseä ei saa näkyä suoraan. Heijastuksia ja asioita jotka kuvaa itseään. No, meidän jättimäisen pihan pohjalla on kaksikin vähän suurempaa lammikkoa, ja tämän talon lukuisista pinnoista voi heijastaa itseään vaikka millä mitalla, mutta koska minä olen tunnetusti asioiden viimetippaan-työntäjä, en voinut tehdä näitä ennen kuin deadline uhkasi seuraavana aamuna, ja kello oli tietenkin jo lähemmäs kahdeksaa illalla ja ulkona on niin pimeää että voi kompastua jalkoihinsa.
Eli tietenkin kuvasin nämä oman huoneeni lattialla (inhoan kokolattiamattoja, mitä vikaa kauniissa laminaatissa ja pehmeissä matoissa?) ja kuvailin sitten seiniäni (vakuutan että ne on hostsiskon laittamat, eikä kuvat - varsinkaan ensimmäinen - ole välttämättä sitä korkeinta MINÄÄ), tärkeitä tavaroita ja laitoin parhaat tänne.

alku tai jotain sinnepäin, ja minä

2009-02-12T23:51:00.003+02:00

Olisin voinut aloittaa uudelleen tän pitämisen perjantaina, kolmastoista päivä (musta se olisi ollut aika hauska), mutta mulla ei ole tänään tekemistä. Älkää peruutelko sovittuja juttuja sillä ettette ilmesty paikalle, se on todella turhauttavaa.

Idea? Taas Yksi Photoblogi. En tiedä minne olen menossa enkä puhu siitä mistä olen tulossa mutta haluan kehittyä valokuvien kanssa, ja milläs parempi aloittaa kuin naamakuvilla. Yritän jatkossa olla vähän niukempi niiden kanssa mutta alku on alku. Kielenä on toistaiseksi suomi, vaikka nimi onkin englanniksi, mutta saa nyt nähdä mitä sen jälkeen tapahtuu.